Making It Up As I Go Along #303

MONDAY...
— Quiet time around the house in the morning. Work in the evening with Martin and Kiyomi. A fun night with the time flying by and not too bad of stats too.
— Some groceries and e-mails when I get home.

TUESDAY...
— A movie in the morning. Work with Kiyomi and Martin in the evening. Frankie is there for a few hours as well. Not a bad night over all. I work an extra hour to build some vacation time... and Kiyomi and I are by ourselves from about 8:45 to 10:45.

WEDNESDAY...
— Decide to stay home today and use that vacation time. Just a day off work rather than going from evening shift to day. Movie watching and e-mails with laundry mixed in there. I head to the garage with the car in the afternoon, just for a service, and take it easy in the evening.

THURSDAY...
— Long day due to a lack of sleep. I last looked at the clock at sometime around 2:00 AM last night and went to work with less than four hours of sleep.
— Lunch at HQ with Melissa, Megan and Trevor.
— I file today. If you’re going to be tired, that’s the job to do.

FRIDAY...
— Claire’s birthday today. Little imp.
— Work is okay. Lunch at HQ again, with Melissa and Shannon.
— Nap for a bit in the afternoon and go to the movies with Karl. We grab supper and then watch American Gangster. Pretty good.

SATURDAY...
— Quiet day. Some laundry, e-mails, and movies. And then an evening of hockey.


No Mr. Bond, I Expect You to Die
Bond villains usually play their roles by a formula. Each James Bond movie has two main villains. There’s the cool, calculating one. The one who thinks through the options before making the decision of how to proceed.

This villain will converse with Bond much like two friends sitting in front of the fire. The difference being the villain will then get up and walk away, remembering to flick the switch on the laser, or other such doomsday device on his way out. It’s done as casually as flicking off a light as you exit a room... only this time, James Bond... and millions of others... are going to die.

The other villain is less one for thought and dialogue and more a character of action. He or she is out there. They’re unpredictable and come up with outlandish, yet funny, punch lines. They’ll throw all conventional wisdom out the window. They can’t be bothered with such trivialities... they’ve gone destruction on the mind and it’s time to get the ball rolling.

Children are Bond villains.

I have two nieces. Fraser is very much the cool and calculating one. She’ll sit quietly, listening to what you have to say. All the while, she’s planning her next move.

Claire, is Fraser’s henchwoman. Younger and more willing to take the risks. To borrow a phrase from a Simpson’s episode... Claire will kill you five times before you hit the ground.

Rebelliousness is in Claire’s nature. She can’t help herself. Much like that villain who throws all caution to the wind, Claire will go for it.

I remember some five years ago, when Claire was visiting my parents house. A little water fountain sat in the sunroom, right next to some potted plants. Claire, being only five years old or so at the time, had great fascination with the fountain. She’d often go to it with a little cup and scoop out a quick drink. And she also found ways to incorporate the nearby plants into the equation as well.

Not that she’d aim to destroy a plant. She hasn’t reached super villain ruthlessness... not yet. But potted plants do contain dirt. And the combination of dirt and water proved too much of a temptation.

Claire would scoop handfuls of dirt from the plants and deposit it into the fountain of water. It was a plan doomed from the start and guaranteeing her being caught, but she did it non-the-less.

This would happen on more than one occasion. My sister, Edena, would walk into the room, look over at the fountain, and then bellow to Claire. A stern warning would follow... “don’t ever do that again!” And Claire would agree... sheepishly... to cease and desist.

Later that day, the fountain would hold a fresh batch of dirt and Edena would come one step closer to an aneurism.

I remember the conversation as if it was yesterday...

Edena scolds, “didn’t I tell you not to do that?”

Claire, head down, responds, “yes.”

“Then why do you keep doing it?”

“Mom!” Claire’s frustration builds as she answers, “I can’t help myself!”

All it will take is Fraser’s desire to harness Claire’s natural tendencies and there will be no stopping my lovely nieces. The only possible challenge for them will be if they run into my unofficial nephews.

Jim and Kristann’s boys are as fiendish a duo as my nieces. What may give them the edge is that there is a third of them. I’m still not sure which way Jake (the youngest) will go. But Sam (the oldest) and Will have picked up the Bond villain formula as well.

Sam is a lad of action, but he also takes time to sit and develop a plan. And he takes great delight in the misery of strangers.

I remember Jim and Sam once coming to pick me up for lunch. I hop in the passenger seat next to Jim and Sam sits in his booster seat in the back. It seemed more like the office set up of a Bond villain. Allowing Sam to sit back and survey all the goings on around him as the lackeys turn knobs on machines and give the countdown to destruction. All Sam was missing was the white cat that he’d calmly be stroking while his master plan comes to fruition.

In this case, a drunk man is walking down the street as we’re about to leave. He stops and leans against a telephone pole, and begins to heave there on the sidewalk. Jim and I look on with a degree of disgust and sympathy for the guy who’s obviously not having one of his better days. Sam glances over at the action on the street and begins a maniacal laughter that grows and grows with each laboured breath. It’s the laughter of a mad man whose plan is coming together.

Will, on the other hand, is quick to take drastic action. He’ll leap into a situation without thinking of the consequences. If it feels right, he’ll do it.

On one occasion, I went to watch him play soccer. When the games are over, Jim, Kristann, Sam, Will and I all walk out towards the parking lot. We stop at the cars to discuss our plans to meet up again later that day.

Will, with glee in his voice and happiness radiating from his soul, suddenly proclaims “Uncle Chris, I’m going to punch you in the bird!”

And with that he forms a fist and makes a leap for my.... mid-section.

Fortunately for me, I do enough of a dodge and Kristann is quick enough to cut off a second attempt. But Will felt this was the most fun activity since... well... in his case... probably since the soccer game some five minutes earlier. But, for Will, it was all about the challenge and consequences be damned.

So these are the children I know best. Bond villains... all of them. And why is it that today’s society is so geared towards the children? It’s not due to love or a feeling of fulfillment. It’s fear.

Every parent wants to stay on their child’s good side... it’s their only hope of survival, in case James Bond fails to come out on top.