Making It Up As I Go Along #592

Rules of Flight
There are unwritten rules in the art of flying.  No, I'm not speaking of super powers or bird like dreams... I'm talking about airline travel Etiquette.

Since moving away from Newfoundland, I've flown quite a bit.  Eleven years in Ontario with an average of three or four trips either home or west to BC plus a few trips to Europe to throw into the mix.  Remember each of these trips are round trip flights... so double it... and I'm looking at seventy to a hundred total flights in the last decade.  I may not be a business man or pro athlete in my travel quantities... but I'm more than your average Joe too.  So I think I know a few things about the do's and don'ts of air travel.

I'll skip through boarding.  It seems like a fairly obvious procedure where you should await your row number before getting up and heading for the gate.  Some don't do this.  And some gate employees are too tired to turn them around to wait their turn but there's not much more to say about this.

One point to make on the matter though... if you feel you're old or feeble enough that you qualify for priority boarding don't then get off the plane, after the flight, in your regular turn.  You decided you needed extra time to get on... well the extra time it takes for you to get off means everyone behind you is waiting.

Now, onboard the plane, when you're seated, there is etiquette to follow.  If you're in a row with two seats on each side of the isle (no middle seat) the middle arm rest is not for comfort... it's a barrier.  A sign of the buffer zone society is supposed to run by.  Get that thing down and shift yourself to lean to the other arm rest.  Window seater leans to the window.  Isle guy leans to the isle.  Everyone then flies in relative harmony.

Of course there are some exceptions.  If you have two 300 lb people, no amount of leaning is going to keep you from overlapping.  And family members or friends sitting together can battle for the middle arm rest all they want.  But for regular sized strangers... leave that arm rest alone!

On my flight to St. John's last week, there was a fine example of this issue.  From Ottawa to Halifax I sat at the window with an older, larger lady next to me.  Despite our combined wideness, we kept to our sides of the row and flew with no issues.  A pleasant flight.

From Halifax on was a bit of a different story.  A man who was probably a good fifty pounds lighter than the previous woman decided he was in a recliner in his living room.

Before going on I should mention here, devices, books, newspapers... they should not play a role in gaining extra elbow room.  You want them, keep within your borders while using them.

Now back to my flight with this... fellow... he opens up the newspaper and spreads himself out.  Arm rest is fully taken and all that's missing is his pipe and slippers.

You know, honestly, newspapers should be banned from flights now.  As a society, we're a bigger group of people than in days gone by.  More and more of us are well over the two hundred pound mark.  And those airline seats aren't getting any wider.  If you sat on the plane holding other items that take up newspaper space, attendants would tell you to stow the thing.  A bouquet of two dozen roses... a large carry on bag... a framed painting.  These things wouldn't be accepted during a flight.  I don't know why an open newspaper is.

After about a half hour of flying, living-room man decided he had enough time with his paper.  Out comes his iPad and I sigh with relieve thinking things will return to more reasonable barriers.  Only this guy spreads out with his iPad just as he did before.  No relief as I'm plastered up against my window.

Relief finally comes for me when the food comes out.  I try to be civilized.  I want to be an easy going person who stays out of the way of trouble.  But when this... person... lifts his arm off the middle rest in order to drop his seat tray, I go for it.  With the stealth of a jewel thief, dodging security alarm lasers with the fluidity of my moves, I slip my right arm down to where his left just left.

I'm not proud of my actions, but I was pushed to the brink.  I tell you now... for the final hour of our flight, my arm stayed planted on that rest.  Yes I believe the middle arm rest should be a buffer zone.  I believe that with all my heart.  But if the other guy doesn't respect the buffer, all bets are off... and it's better to have that thing than not.

So for the period of snacks, I was left handed.  Reaching left handed for my drink.  Reaching left handed for my chips.  Nose scratching... left handed.  Returning the tray to the upright and locked position... you better believe that was done left handed.

I think I detected my seat neighbour shifting uncomfortably in the final ten minutes of our flight.  My heart was stone to this... the incident with the newspaper too fresh in my mind.  When civilization breaks down and anarchy takes over, only the strong survive.  And I've flown too many times to be taken down by some arm chair newspaper reader.  He never stood a chance.


FRIDAY...

--- Mona back for day shift. Sporadic work coming in. Traffic is awful going home. Takes me more than half an hour. 

SATURDAY...

--- Alone again. Pretty quiet Saturday though. Makes the working alone fairly simple. 

SUNDAY...

--- Nights are pretty quiet once again. 

MONDAY...

--- Bit busier at work but not too bad. 

TUESDAY...

--- Yard work, packing, a bit of cleaning. Laundry. Getting ready for trip home. 

WEDNESDAY...

--- Drive myself to the airport and fly on home in the morning. Get to St. John's by 3:15 or so and have a big supper with the parents, Lafosse and Riggs families. 

THURSDAY...

--- Not much in the morning and afternoon. Big turkey supper with Marlene and Don joining us. From there I go out with Craig. Walk around signal hill some. Chat. Stop at Boston Pizza for nachos and beer. 

FRIDAY...

--- Hit the road to central. Good drive until ten km outside of Gander. There, street paving closes the highway (more or less). It takes nearly an hour and a half to travel ten km. Get to Twillingate and have supper with Wince and Brenda, Shirley and Bert. 

SATURDAY...

--- Up early for the Fogo ferry. Least full ferry I've seen crossing over. About a dozen vehicles. Breakfast in the town of Fogo and then to Joe Batts Arm to check in to Quintal House and see Nadine. Pack a lunch and then we go hike for around an hour and a half to see the Auk statue. Lots of wind and cold today. Single digit windchill. But by the time we are done, the sun is out and it's nice. Supper at Nicole's Cafe and then a play held in Fogo. Busy, good day.

SUNDAY...
--- Fogo day two is quieter.  Lunch at Fogo Island Inn and a morning walk with Wince.  Supper is breakfast.  French toast and bacon.

MONDAY...
--- Head back home to St. John's.  Meet up with Jim and family in the evening.  But before that is supper with the Riggs family... Geoff included.  A visit for work from Montreal makes for a nice surprise.

TUESDAY...
--- Movies with Del and Fish.  Guardians of the Galaxy is good fun.  Have supper before that with the Riggs' again.

WEDNESDAY...
--- Nice day.  Lunch with Jim and Kristann.  From there I walk downtown to Fred's Records.  Get an album there and walk back to Quidi Vidi Lake to meet the parents and get driven the rest of the way home.  Supper and a quiet night at home.

THURSDAY...
--- Around the house much of the day.  Mail myself a box of hockey/baseball cards.  The slow transfer from the parent's basement to mine begins.
--- Lunch is at Mallard Cottage.  Good fish cake sandwich and nice cakes for desert.  Alan Doyle shows up shortly before we leave to chat with the owner and a few of his buddies at the bar.
--- Plane to Ontario.  Quiet flights are nice.  Good, thin fellow next to me to Halifax means no fighting over the arm rest.  From Halifax to Ottawa there's nobody next to me at all.  Hop in the car in Ottawa and drive myself home... getting there around 11:30 when it's all said and done.

FRIDAY...
--- Some computer work in the morning.  Getting things updated and such.  Groceries, lawn mowing, put the hammock away, and half hour walk in the afternoon.