Making It Up As I Go Along #289

MONDAY...
— Wake in Smiths Falls with the folks. We travel around some... Perth, Merrickville, Kemptville... and the Hershey Factory in Smiths Falls. End the travel with Kars and Manotick and then it’s the evening at home with mom and dad. Good time, the last few days made for a good trip.

TUESDAY...
— Shopping and some time around the house. I take the day off work and then learn that the interview I have scheduled for Thursday is postponed. The promotion game will begin later in the month.

WEDNESDAY...
— Walk to get some groceries with Dad. Work is fine... no evening walk again today. Rain makes it risky.

THURSDAY...
— Wet day so it’s mostly around the house with mom and dad... then to work... and then home for some TV. Not much out of the ordinary.

FRIDAY...
— Walk Mer Bleue in the morning... work is quiet with Jon, Trevor and me... and no Jon after 8:00. Supper out with Sheila joining us.

SATURDAY...
— Drive to Montreal for Geoff’s wedding. We do part of the drive along the Ottawa River rather than the highway. It’s nice. The hotel is great and the wedding is about as good as weddings are able to be. Good to see all the Riggs gang.

SUNDAY...
— After morning brunch, we leave Montreal... getting pretty tired on the drive back to Ottawa and we lounge about, watch a movie, have a visit with Melissa, and eat Chinese food.


Garlic and Holy Water at the Wedding
Wedding beefs. I do have a few. The biggest... professional videographers and photographers. Geoff’s wedding was good. But boy did I hate the video guy! Let it be known that I type this update with blue specks of light flashing from each blink. And I have the video guy to blame!

First strike against the guy... he looks just like Steve Simmons (a sports writer and one of the regular guests on TSN’s the Reporters). Steve Simmons is a twit who decided to make a commentary about sports because he had no ability to play them. He’s a nerd in a jock world and he doesn’t understand the basic principals of sports. Yet somehow, that turkey got a job in the sports field.

So video guy has that strike going against him. I’ve got Steve Simmons with a camera. And the problem with video guys at weddings... is they’re paid to be where the action is. So you see them all the time.

And the worst part of these guys... the prison style search light that’s plastered to the top of their video camera. This thing is everywhere. You really do feel like a prisoner trying to make a break for it... you reach the wall... you’re about to climb over... and BLAM! You’re got like a deer in the headlights! Blinded... you can’t help but stare into the light. He twirls it away and you’re left seeing everything in a blue spot prism.

I have had a few nemeses in my life. As a child, Keith Parsons was the kid who lived down the street and who I kept banging heads with. This summer, some guy who works in my building kept walking past the AFIS window... at least five times a day. He’s in his forties or fifties, has a Miami Vice style haircut (even though he’s balding) and he wears sunglasses that don’t fit his face. Whenever I’d look out a window, there he’d be.

And now... this weekend in Montreal... the videographer becomes my latest nemesis. I know it right away. We’re in the church and he’s walking down the isle with this camera on a stick, cycloptic headlight canvassing the house of God. Children squeal as they squint their delicate eyes and some of the elderly lose whatever sight the had remaining, all for the good of posterity.

Much is the urge to salute the man with a middle finger or evil glares when he ventures my way. But I remember my longtime friendship with the groom and decide to hold back... for him.

I imagine I wouldn’t make for a very good celebrity. Well, from the point of view of the paparazzi, I’m sure I would. I’d be on the rack of every grocery store rag. “Brown flips!”, “Brown attacks cameraman.” “Brown throws Britney’s baby and hits cameraman between the eyes with it... Britney cheers him on.”

It’s just the intrusions from sniveling little twerps... it drives me crazy. These people don’t ask if it’s alright. Actually, people like the Steve Simmons look-a-like don’t even acknowledge you. In a room filled with people, this guy doesn’t speak to a soul... not a smile... no manner of breaking the ice is ever attempted. All he does is flick on the high beam and take in the action as he watches us all do our best vampire in the sunlight impression.

Sure, weddings are all about the bride and groom... but does their happiness have to be paid for with my eyesight?