I Used to Catch Grasshoppers
I used to catch grasshoppers. It was a fun game played alone in the high
grass or together with my cousin along the sloping meadow that was his front
lawn.
I could sneak up as they sat upon grass doing whatever it is
grasshoppers do when they sit upon blades of grass. Usually it is eating, I suppose. But often times it seems to be a simple time
to hang out in the grasshopper neighbourhood.
Sitting there, stretching a hinged hind leg from time to
time, perhaps surveying the area, waiting to see what grasshopper friend was
about to hop on down the meadow.
And as they sat, I’d sneak.
Stealthily as a cat. Quietly
slipping through the grass… hardly making a whisper of a rustle against the
green, grasshopper street corner blades…
and then, as the chameleon’s tongue, my hand shot out, enclosed the lazy
hopper as King Kong’s hand enclosed around Fay Wray, and I’d slowly pull him
towards my face and gently opened my hand, trying to pinch one of his legs
between my thumb and forefinger in order to anchor him to me… for a proper
examination… the type only ten year olds could give.
More often than not, the finger pinch anchor was
ineffective. The grasshopper would hop
out of his leg, leaving a twitching appendage within my fingers as he returned
to the meadow a lesser hopper.
These days, the grasshoppers are safe from my grasp. I hope the reason is they’re evolution as a
species… that perhaps, in Darwinian form, these last thirty years have given
grasshoppers across the world an extra ability to sense predators and leap beyond
reach faster than a speeding bullet.
In reality, the reason for their increased safety is more
than likely to do with my slowing down than they’re speeding up.
Where I once was as a cat… I’m now a lumbering
elephant. Crashing through the
vegetation and giving grasshoppers everywhere a ten-minute advanced warning
system.
Yes, I still see them when I go on my walks. There are thousands of grasshoppers all
around my neighbourhood. And twice I’ve
gotten close enough to take a reasonable picture of one. Though the first of these pictures was of a
dead grasshopper being munched on by a bug… while the second was during a light
rain, when the poor hopper seemed keener on hunkering down than hopping away.
Beyond those moments, the grasshoppers have nothing to fear
when I come by. I feel almost mocked by
them. They give me a ten foot buffer
zone but, once I’ve entered this area, they leap away… maintaining the buffer
while I watch on helplessly… daydreaming about twitching legs between my fingers
and the impossibility of such a scenario ever again repeating itself.
SATURDAY…
--- Day shift and I’m alone doing it. Pretty quiet day in the office.
--- Water the lawns after work and a bit of TV.
SUNDAY…
--- Alone again today at work. Busier than yesterday but still not too bad.
--- Go to Batman with Phil after work. Good movie though I did like the previous one
better. Heath Ledger was just that
good. Some loss at this movie too… I
left my box of Smarties behind. Feel bad
for it… poor Smarties.
--- More lawn watering.
Trying to fight off the brown.
--- Watch the Newsroom after the movie. Really liking that show.
MONDAY…
--- Rain! Lots of
it. Not before I get my walk in… just a
half hour today cause it’s about 38 when I go out there.
--- Then the heavens open this afternoon. Wind and rain and hail with thunder and
lightning. It had it all.
--- I get no tree on my front lawn. They went around planting trees this
morning. I noticed afterwards that
virtually all the properties like mine… a thin strip of grass… are left without
a tree. Oh well.
--- Work is pretty busy until midnight or so… then slows up
pretty good.
TUESDAY…
--- Softball before work.
Bit of fun… hit the ball pretty good a few times and make a barehanded
play on 3rd… but we get smoked.
--- Work is alright.
Not too busy.
WEDNESDAY…
--- Up earlier than I should be. 4 hours sleep is about it. A walk… more for pictures and exploring today
than exercise… but I’m going for a good hour and twenty minutes, so get a bit
of both.
--- Water and cut the lawn and a bit of evening TV
THURSDAY…
--- Get some groceries and do a walk. A little TV as well and some laundry… a
relaxing day.
FRIDAY-SUNDAY…
--- Montreal… Nick’s bachelor party is a fun time in a fun
city… with proof of my age vs. the rest.
By the time we’re in to Saturday night, supper is about all I’ve got in
me… and, as we stand outside a bar… with me next to a trash can… a guy wants to
ditch some garbage… “excuse me sir.”
--- So, I’m not the life of the party but do enjoy the parts
I take part in.
