Hillbilly Land
Life in Avalon has been an experience. Suburban boredom. Canadian Tire lifestyles. Wildlife reserve. And now... Hillbilly Land.
There have always been hints of it. But now the only thing we’re missing is a house on the corner with three foot high grass and an old Buick held off the ground, not by tires, but cinder blocks.
Hillbilly Land is where the inhabitants indeed have balconies or back yards to sit in... yet they want to be out front. So those in townhouses sit in lawn chairs out by the front door, drinking beer and observing the world going by.
Hillbilly Land is where garages are used not to store vehicles, but as a summer get away. An open garage with Canadian flags hanging off the rafters makes for an instant Canada Day retreat. Hang out on the asphalt, sip on the beer, and... you guessed it... watch the world go by.
Hillbilly Land is where terrace home smokers avoid their personal balconies. They hit the front alcove steps instead. Many a romantic moment is seen on these steps. Whispered words between inhales as they... oh yes... watch the world go by.
Other qualities of Hillbilly Land include the path leading from Avalon to the box stores. Where overhead power lines hum and contents of stolen wallets lay strewn on the ground. Many a Blockbuster Video card could be obtained with a simple stroll under the power lines.
There are the pickup trucks parked on both sides of the road. Leaving only a narrow path of space for neighbourhood vehicles to enter and exit the area. Narrow pathways between trees, rock faces and cliffs are charming. Narrow pathways between F150s are annoying.
Then there is the garbage. Oh the garbage. It is the biggest problem in Hillbilly Land. It is a sign of the weakness of the condo corporation and of the slobbiness of the inhabitants.
The rules state no garbage or recycling boxes are to be placed outside before 6:00 PM Wednesday or after 7:00 AM Thursday. The garbage men will come through after 7:00 on Thursday and then we’re expected to remove the empty recycle bin by the time Thursday evening rolls around.
It seems simple enough. But in Hillbilly Land, the rule is ignored. This week, one of the prime Hillbilly families (where many of the pickup trucks congregate) put out old carpet, underpads, and wood strips on Monday evening. All day Tuesday and Wednesday, the trash sat there on their lawn. Welcome to Hillbilly Land.
Such things are common. Often recycle bins and trash bags appear on the grass by Tuesday. And often, empty bins remain in place for an entire weekend after the garbage men have done their Thursday duties.
Warnings make way to the mailboxes. A rehashing of the rules and threats that condo fees will have to rise in order to hire someone to come clean up after us Hillbillies. Yet nothing ever changes. Condo fees have remained level and garbage is placed out on the curb anytime within a three day period. Spring brings old discarded winter tires left behind by disgruntled garbage men and remaining as a part of the landscape for a week or two. And if someone has lost track of which week of recycling we’re in, and they put out the plastics when the rest of the world has already brought out their cardboard... well that means we’ll have a full week of plastic recycling left in place, awaiting the next week’s round. Plastic blueberry containers and two litre pop bottles blow through the neighbourhood as tumbleweeds of the suburbs.
All of this witnessed by the front step beer drinkers and romantic alcove smokers. Oh how I wish for that cinder block Buick... it’ll make the scene complete.
THURSDAY...
— Okay day at work. CNI for half the day and CPSIC for the second half.
— Not thrilled to get home and see my recycling bin gone! Lots of scummy people around just taking what doesn’t belong to them.
FRIDAY...
— Work is alright. Fairly quiet dayshift really.
— Very rainy day. Ottawa has become a rain forest this summer.
— Up late to get to night shift mode. Watch the Jays game. I think Roy Halladay may be my all time favourite Blue Jay now. And his time with the time is likely soon to end.
SATURDAY...
— Quiet around the house before work. Work is quiet too. I’m tired by the time I get home.
SUNDAY...
— Quiet night at the office. Do the gym and just hold down the fort. I spook a family of five racoons walking back from the gym to the office.
MONDAY...
— Lose softball again. This is the slow pitch team that had won seven in a row. It was a good game though, 9-7.
TUESDAY...
— Don’t sleep great so it’s a lazy day. Then off to the movies with Sheila. Public Enemies is alright... not too bad... yet nothing real special.
WEDNESDAY...
— Some laundry and supper with Karl at the pub. Not much else going on today.
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Making It Up As I Go Along #376
Greatest of All Time
We are always ranking things. Quite often, when I’m not sure what to write about, the first thoughts through my head are things like “best sport of all time”... or “greatest vacation I ever had”.
I usually skip over such thoughts and move on to something else. After all, why does it really matter what one person ranks any given issue, thing or event. But since I proclaim this week (on Saturday to be precise) that while at Sam’s I had “the best steak of all time” it seems a good time to go into this issue.
First off, talk is often cheap when it comes to high ranking matters. You’ll often see it on TV commercials. Claims that you’ll never own a better knife or that $19.99 for paper towel supplements will be the greatest value you’ll ever have.
This is now the “best” time to own a GM vehicle. I can’t help but think these latest commercials are the most desperate the North American companies have ever been for our business. So in fact, their high claims bring on my thoughts of their even higher ranking desperation... and the cycle continues.
People often claim that their favourite anything is, in fact, the best. Nickleback is the greatest band of all time (a sentence I would never write is any sincerity). In fact, Nickleback has been called both the greatest band of all time and the worst band of all time. In likelihood, they probably don’t belong on either end of the spectrum... but I sure know which end they’re closer to! And, for the record... Wilco is the greatest band presently. Although the best album they ever made was now four albums ago... leaving one to wonder if their peak has past. And the best album I’ve ever heard is Neutral Milk Hotel’s “In the Aeroplane Over the Sea”.
Some things seem universally agreed on. Stephan Harper may have many supporters, but I’ve never heard anybody claim him to be the greatest Prime Minister Canada has ever seen.
On the other hand, quite a few people have made the claim that George W. Bush is in fact the worst President in the history of the United States. Sure, it’s by no means a universally agreed upon fact... but it is quite a lot of people making the claim.
Tiger Woods has been called the greatest athlete in the world... but I would like to see him win an Iron Man or Decathlon. So here we have trouble with the definition of great athlete. Best in their sport? Or able to do the most athletic things?
You have things like best time of day to be productive in your work. Some say first thing in the morning... and I often see crazy people walking into our office at 4:30 or 5:00 in the morning. I believe they are confused and think they’re heading in to milk cows or some such thing... but they keep making the same mistake and return each day at the same crazy hour.
Others are more civilized in their productivity. They are at their best at around 3:00 or 4:00 PM. I think such people are very intelligent.
In reality, I have since read that the most productive time for people ranges from 10:30 AM to around 2:00 PM. It all depends on if you’re more of a morning person or night person.
So there are many differences of opinions when it comes to best and worst of anything. Either we’re just all really geared quite differently. Or I am in fact, the smartest man in the world! Knowing what is right and wrong better than anyone else. And, with that claim, another ranking list is born.
WEDNESDAY...
— Alone at work. Pretty busy but it goes fine. A bit of sleep does help. I wish I could get the five or six hours before every day shift instead of the regular 3.5 to 4.
THURSDAY...
— Work most of the day alone, Phil is in for the afternoon. I’m tired.
— Ball after work. A spare for another slow pitch team. I have a hard time getting used to the much bigger field with softer sand... but I hit plenty and have some fun.
FRIDAY...
— Blue Jays time. Drive with Janice to Toronto. Meet Laura there... we all go to meet Sam for supper and the ball game and then do a drink after. Janice, Laura and I Go Train it back to Laura’s to end the night.
SATURDAY...
— Hockey Hall of Fame. Go with Laura and Janice and we hang out there for a few hours before getting lunch downtown and going back to Laura’s. She’s off to work and Janice and I go back into Toronto a few hours later for BBQ at Sam and Jenn’s. Best steak of all time. Back to Laura’s for the night.
SUNDAY...
— I see Laura off at about 6:30 in the morning. That is to say I’m there on the couch when she comes in after night shift and we chat a bit before she heads to bed. Janice and I leave for Ottawa by about 10:45. I’m home around 4:00 and get very lazy for the rest of the evening. A good trip to Toronto. Great to see Sam and Laura and some fun times all around.
MONDAY...
— Lose in ball today. First loss in a while, breaking our 7 game win streak. I homer but it’s not enough... 10-8.
TUESDAY...
— Quiet day. My heel is sore and I rest it up. By about supper time, it’s doing alright again.
— To the movies with some of the work crew. Bruno is funny in spots and stupid in others... typical hit and miss.
We are always ranking things. Quite often, when I’m not sure what to write about, the first thoughts through my head are things like “best sport of all time”... or “greatest vacation I ever had”.
I usually skip over such thoughts and move on to something else. After all, why does it really matter what one person ranks any given issue, thing or event. But since I proclaim this week (on Saturday to be precise) that while at Sam’s I had “the best steak of all time” it seems a good time to go into this issue.
First off, talk is often cheap when it comes to high ranking matters. You’ll often see it on TV commercials. Claims that you’ll never own a better knife or that $19.99 for paper towel supplements will be the greatest value you’ll ever have.
This is now the “best” time to own a GM vehicle. I can’t help but think these latest commercials are the most desperate the North American companies have ever been for our business. So in fact, their high claims bring on my thoughts of their even higher ranking desperation... and the cycle continues.
People often claim that their favourite anything is, in fact, the best. Nickleback is the greatest band of all time (a sentence I would never write is any sincerity). In fact, Nickleback has been called both the greatest band of all time and the worst band of all time. In likelihood, they probably don’t belong on either end of the spectrum... but I sure know which end they’re closer to! And, for the record... Wilco is the greatest band presently. Although the best album they ever made was now four albums ago... leaving one to wonder if their peak has past. And the best album I’ve ever heard is Neutral Milk Hotel’s “In the Aeroplane Over the Sea”.
Some things seem universally agreed on. Stephan Harper may have many supporters, but I’ve never heard anybody claim him to be the greatest Prime Minister Canada has ever seen.
On the other hand, quite a few people have made the claim that George W. Bush is in fact the worst President in the history of the United States. Sure, it’s by no means a universally agreed upon fact... but it is quite a lot of people making the claim.
Tiger Woods has been called the greatest athlete in the world... but I would like to see him win an Iron Man or Decathlon. So here we have trouble with the definition of great athlete. Best in their sport? Or able to do the most athletic things?
You have things like best time of day to be productive in your work. Some say first thing in the morning... and I often see crazy people walking into our office at 4:30 or 5:00 in the morning. I believe they are confused and think they’re heading in to milk cows or some such thing... but they keep making the same mistake and return each day at the same crazy hour.
Others are more civilized in their productivity. They are at their best at around 3:00 or 4:00 PM. I think such people are very intelligent.
In reality, I have since read that the most productive time for people ranges from 10:30 AM to around 2:00 PM. It all depends on if you’re more of a morning person or night person.
So there are many differences of opinions when it comes to best and worst of anything. Either we’re just all really geared quite differently. Or I am in fact, the smartest man in the world! Knowing what is right and wrong better than anyone else. And, with that claim, another ranking list is born.
WEDNESDAY...
— Alone at work. Pretty busy but it goes fine. A bit of sleep does help. I wish I could get the five or six hours before every day shift instead of the regular 3.5 to 4.
THURSDAY...
— Work most of the day alone, Phil is in for the afternoon. I’m tired.
— Ball after work. A spare for another slow pitch team. I have a hard time getting used to the much bigger field with softer sand... but I hit plenty and have some fun.
FRIDAY...
— Blue Jays time. Drive with Janice to Toronto. Meet Laura there... we all go to meet Sam for supper and the ball game and then do a drink after. Janice, Laura and I Go Train it back to Laura’s to end the night.
SATURDAY...
— Hockey Hall of Fame. Go with Laura and Janice and we hang out there for a few hours before getting lunch downtown and going back to Laura’s. She’s off to work and Janice and I go back into Toronto a few hours later for BBQ at Sam and Jenn’s. Best steak of all time. Back to Laura’s for the night.
SUNDAY...
— I see Laura off at about 6:30 in the morning. That is to say I’m there on the couch when she comes in after night shift and we chat a bit before she heads to bed. Janice and I leave for Ottawa by about 10:45. I’m home around 4:00 and get very lazy for the rest of the evening. A good trip to Toronto. Great to see Sam and Laura and some fun times all around.
MONDAY...
— Lose in ball today. First loss in a while, breaking our 7 game win streak. I homer but it’s not enough... 10-8.
TUESDAY...
— Quiet day. My heel is sore and I rest it up. By about supper time, it’s doing alright again.
— To the movies with some of the work crew. Bruno is funny in spots and stupid in others... typical hit and miss.
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Making It Up As I Go Along #375
Hair Thoughts, and Life is But a Dream
There’s a saying. “Don’t shave it because if you do, it’ll come back in thicker and fuller.” This saying is told to men who consider shaving those places of unwanted hair. Don’t shave your back... it’ll come back thicker and fuller. Don’t shave you shoulders... don’t shave your chest.
Seinfeld made fun of this. Kramer showed Jerry the results of chest shaving. Jerry plastered himself against the wall in horror and the segment was filmed with us, the audience, not gaining view of Kramer’s chest mane. Some things are just not meant for network TV.
There’s a flaw in the logic of this saying though. If shaving will bring the hair back in thicker and fuller... then why are there any bald men? Shouldn’t the shaving of the head result in the same scenario as chest shaving? I take the clippers to my head on a weekly basis and I’ve seen nothing thicker or fuller up there.
Sometimes, it’s not a matter of people lying. It’s a matter of people being too gullible. I would guess that the first person who told someone that hair will come back thicker and fuller if shaved never expected to be taken seriously. People are just rather serious when it comes to their vanity.
The second thing that came to mind this week is completely unrelated. But how many three year old kids go on river adventures without supervision?
A three year old in BC drove his plastic motorized truck into a river. Nobody was sure where he went and, as part of the search, a group patrolled the river.
Twelve kilometres down stream, and some two hours later, the child and truck are found along the shore, none the worse for wear.
This is lucky. Some may even call it a miracle. But either way, it shows us that children are more resilient than we give them credit for. I mean I sat in my mothers lap in the front seat of our camper when I was eight years old. Now a child is strapped in to the back as if being prepared to blast off to the moon. We’re lead to believe that they will certainly die on the spot if they aren’t harnessed up in the back seat in a chair designed to keep them back on to the flow of traffic until they reach an age which permits the child to sit front on.
Peanuts are treated as nuclear waste. Grapes are sliced in half for fear of lodging in the throat lodging of those naturally shaped ones. They’re the perfect size to get stuck in a child’s throat, we’re told. Of course. It’s God’s plan to have created the perfect child choker. Who are we to fool with nature in this way?
I know it can happen. A child can choke on a grape and, since it’s easy enough to slice, parents do it now. And I know peanut allergies are all too real. And yes, a three year old driving a motorized toy into a river and drifting along for twelve kilometres and two hours will result in an unhappy ending ninety nine times out of a hundred. But still, I can’t help think about how much care we take to ensure children’s safety even though there are times the child will be just fine on their own.
In fact, this case seems like a modern day version of Huck Finn. Drifting down the river on his first adventure. Free.
Fish stop their swimming to see what this strange, wheeled raft is all about. Birds sit in tree tops, cocking their heads to one side in curiosity as the child floats his cares away.
All the kid needed was a twig for a rod and a bit of string with a hook and the dream would be complete.
TUESDAY...
— Work is busy. I’m in AFIS for a half hour, then CNI for four hours followed by the rest of the day in CPSIC. Phil leaves early with a blown back. So tomorrow will likely be busy too.
— Big shock, rain out in softball. It happens over and over again.
WEDNESDAY...
— Me alone at work thanks to Phil’s back. It’s busy but I do okay. Looking forward to night shift.
THURSDAY...
— Ball before work. RCMP ball just for some fun. Work goes alright. Pretty slow once midnight comes around.
FRIDAY...
— Lots of sleep before work. I’m alone tonight as Phil’s back is still not super.
SATURDAY...
— Rain all day... off and on thunder and lightning. Out to watch UFC with Phil and Sarah in the evening. Pretty fun time. Never watched a UFC PPV before.
SUNDAY...
— Lazy day for much of it. Some laundry and snoozing. Ball game in the evening. We lose 4-3 with two homers against us in the seventh. I play left field and now only need centre and right to have the eight fielding positions under my belt for the season. I wish I have played better at most of the positions than I have though. Only catcher, left and first have felt fine.
MONDAY...
— Win in slow pitch again. 16-15. We had a late lead... gave it up in the 6th, then scored three in the 7th to retake it and hold them down in the bottom of the inning. Fun game. But where is summer? It’s mid teens and windy tonight. Blah!
There’s a saying. “Don’t shave it because if you do, it’ll come back in thicker and fuller.” This saying is told to men who consider shaving those places of unwanted hair. Don’t shave your back... it’ll come back thicker and fuller. Don’t shave you shoulders... don’t shave your chest.
Seinfeld made fun of this. Kramer showed Jerry the results of chest shaving. Jerry plastered himself against the wall in horror and the segment was filmed with us, the audience, not gaining view of Kramer’s chest mane. Some things are just not meant for network TV.
There’s a flaw in the logic of this saying though. If shaving will bring the hair back in thicker and fuller... then why are there any bald men? Shouldn’t the shaving of the head result in the same scenario as chest shaving? I take the clippers to my head on a weekly basis and I’ve seen nothing thicker or fuller up there.
Sometimes, it’s not a matter of people lying. It’s a matter of people being too gullible. I would guess that the first person who told someone that hair will come back thicker and fuller if shaved never expected to be taken seriously. People are just rather serious when it comes to their vanity.
The second thing that came to mind this week is completely unrelated. But how many three year old kids go on river adventures without supervision?
A three year old in BC drove his plastic motorized truck into a river. Nobody was sure where he went and, as part of the search, a group patrolled the river.
Twelve kilometres down stream, and some two hours later, the child and truck are found along the shore, none the worse for wear.
This is lucky. Some may even call it a miracle. But either way, it shows us that children are more resilient than we give them credit for. I mean I sat in my mothers lap in the front seat of our camper when I was eight years old. Now a child is strapped in to the back as if being prepared to blast off to the moon. We’re lead to believe that they will certainly die on the spot if they aren’t harnessed up in the back seat in a chair designed to keep them back on to the flow of traffic until they reach an age which permits the child to sit front on.
Peanuts are treated as nuclear waste. Grapes are sliced in half for fear of lodging in the throat lodging of those naturally shaped ones. They’re the perfect size to get stuck in a child’s throat, we’re told. Of course. It’s God’s plan to have created the perfect child choker. Who are we to fool with nature in this way?
I know it can happen. A child can choke on a grape and, since it’s easy enough to slice, parents do it now. And I know peanut allergies are all too real. And yes, a three year old driving a motorized toy into a river and drifting along for twelve kilometres and two hours will result in an unhappy ending ninety nine times out of a hundred. But still, I can’t help think about how much care we take to ensure children’s safety even though there are times the child will be just fine on their own.
In fact, this case seems like a modern day version of Huck Finn. Drifting down the river on his first adventure. Free.
Fish stop their swimming to see what this strange, wheeled raft is all about. Birds sit in tree tops, cocking their heads to one side in curiosity as the child floats his cares away.
All the kid needed was a twig for a rod and a bit of string with a hook and the dream would be complete.
TUESDAY...
— Work is busy. I’m in AFIS for a half hour, then CNI for four hours followed by the rest of the day in CPSIC. Phil leaves early with a blown back. So tomorrow will likely be busy too.
— Big shock, rain out in softball. It happens over and over again.
WEDNESDAY...
— Me alone at work thanks to Phil’s back. It’s busy but I do okay. Looking forward to night shift.
THURSDAY...
— Ball before work. RCMP ball just for some fun. Work goes alright. Pretty slow once midnight comes around.
FRIDAY...
— Lots of sleep before work. I’m alone tonight as Phil’s back is still not super.
SATURDAY...
— Rain all day... off and on thunder and lightning. Out to watch UFC with Phil and Sarah in the evening. Pretty fun time. Never watched a UFC PPV before.
SUNDAY...
— Lazy day for much of it. Some laundry and snoozing. Ball game in the evening. We lose 4-3 with two homers against us in the seventh. I play left field and now only need centre and right to have the eight fielding positions under my belt for the season. I wish I have played better at most of the positions than I have though. Only catcher, left and first have felt fine.
MONDAY...
— Win in slow pitch again. 16-15. We had a late lead... gave it up in the 6th, then scored three in the 7th to retake it and hold them down in the bottom of the inning. Fun game. But where is summer? It’s mid teens and windy tonight. Blah!
Monday, July 06, 2009
Making It Up As I Go Along #374
Bravery
Our bravery is often tested. People will often speak flippantly about bravery. Bold predictions they really know nothing about.
“If I was on a hijacked plane, I’d charge the hijackers!”
“If I saw a mugging taking place, I’d come to the victim’s aid!”
“If my manager tells me to wash his car, I’ll tell him to go to hell!”
Confrontation and danger are things that many of us don’t naturally draw to. Plenty a bold predictor is left cowering in the corner, pretending not to notice the mugging, or nodding a “yes sir” to the boss.
This week, at work, an odd moment occurs. At 3:00 AM, when all is quiet, Phil and I hear a banging from the basement.
Phil was actually gone to the kitchen when the noise began and I assumed it must have been him trying to fix a loose molding or something of the like. I thought, if he kept it up, he’d break the thing off entirely and we’d have to deal with the consequences next time at work.
Then a surprise for me. Phil comes back asking me “do you hear that?”
From the lobby we can feel the noise. From the basement below us, a shockwave of bangs echoes up through our feet.
I picture heist movies. Those movies where villains or robbers tunnel through the basement of high security buildings... bypassing laser defense and disabling surveillance cameras along the way. I picture Phil and I as the poor saps in such movies. Those guys who are found in the end credits as “panicky guard #2" or “man in the office”. We’re the guys who walk towards the bang, or into the blackened room and live long enough to say “hey, you’re not supposed to be here... uggghhh!” as the bullet strikes our chests.
With those thoughts in my head, I decide to play the roll and venture down over the stairs to the basement and the source of the clangs and bangs. I don’t do it oblivious. I pause at the door, at the bottom of the stairwell. I run through the game plan in my head. Any sound of scuffling when I open the door... run back up the stairs. Any bullets whizzing by my ear... pee my pants... and run back up the stairs. No “hey you!” No “You’re not supposed to be here!” Just running and peeing.
I enter the basement with my life and bladder remaining as should be. And the banging continues. It seems to be moving about. Sometimes from within the elevator shaft. Other times from the recycling room adjacent to the elevators. Could it be a trapped security guard panicking in the elevators? Could it be criminals who tunneled their way into the recycling section?
I don’t push my luck and return up the stairs to Phil.
A phone call to security brings light to the situation. Pipe work being done in the headquarters building which causes the connecting pipes to reverberate through to our building. I suppose the criminals could have been at headquarters, killed the security over there and gave us this explanation in order to keep things under wraps. If so, the plan worked. We returned to work and noticed that the banging soon ends.
But I have proven my bravery. I ventured forth into the unknown in the wee hours of the morning. And I lived to tell the tale.
MONDAY...
— Not a super day. Work gets busy and somewhat hectic and ball gets rained out tonight. Oh well, nothing horrible happens to me but it’s just annoying.
TUESDAY...
— Work is less busy but still busy. Also have a long tour of another building at work. Get the new Wilco CD and some groceries in the evening.
WEDNESDAY...
— Canada Day and I’m working alone tonight. Melissa is around, in her section, until close to midnight... and we take a peak at the downtown fireworks from the fourth floor windows. Looked pretty good.
THURSDAY...
— Typical work day night. Some loud banging downstairs in the basement at 3:00 is a bit freaky. Almost sounded like people busting through a wall down there... but it seems like they were doing some work on pipes in the HQ building and the two buildings are connected somehow.
FRIDAY...
— Quiet house day. Some movies as it rains outside.
SATURDAY...
— More quiet. Got some extra HD channels for the TV. The all nature one is pretty amazing.
SUNDAY...
— Ball goes ahead. We lose 1-0. Probably my best game of fastpitch though... catching, sac bunt, bloop single and, in the seventh, missed a tying home run by an inch on the bat. Just got under it a bit and it was caught out at the warning track.
Our bravery is often tested. People will often speak flippantly about bravery. Bold predictions they really know nothing about.
“If I was on a hijacked plane, I’d charge the hijackers!”
“If I saw a mugging taking place, I’d come to the victim’s aid!”
“If my manager tells me to wash his car, I’ll tell him to go to hell!”
Confrontation and danger are things that many of us don’t naturally draw to. Plenty a bold predictor is left cowering in the corner, pretending not to notice the mugging, or nodding a “yes sir” to the boss.
This week, at work, an odd moment occurs. At 3:00 AM, when all is quiet, Phil and I hear a banging from the basement.
Phil was actually gone to the kitchen when the noise began and I assumed it must have been him trying to fix a loose molding or something of the like. I thought, if he kept it up, he’d break the thing off entirely and we’d have to deal with the consequences next time at work.
Then a surprise for me. Phil comes back asking me “do you hear that?”
From the lobby we can feel the noise. From the basement below us, a shockwave of bangs echoes up through our feet.
I picture heist movies. Those movies where villains or robbers tunnel through the basement of high security buildings... bypassing laser defense and disabling surveillance cameras along the way. I picture Phil and I as the poor saps in such movies. Those guys who are found in the end credits as “panicky guard #2" or “man in the office”. We’re the guys who walk towards the bang, or into the blackened room and live long enough to say “hey, you’re not supposed to be here... uggghhh!” as the bullet strikes our chests.
With those thoughts in my head, I decide to play the roll and venture down over the stairs to the basement and the source of the clangs and bangs. I don’t do it oblivious. I pause at the door, at the bottom of the stairwell. I run through the game plan in my head. Any sound of scuffling when I open the door... run back up the stairs. Any bullets whizzing by my ear... pee my pants... and run back up the stairs. No “hey you!” No “You’re not supposed to be here!” Just running and peeing.
I enter the basement with my life and bladder remaining as should be. And the banging continues. It seems to be moving about. Sometimes from within the elevator shaft. Other times from the recycling room adjacent to the elevators. Could it be a trapped security guard panicking in the elevators? Could it be criminals who tunneled their way into the recycling section?
I don’t push my luck and return up the stairs to Phil.
A phone call to security brings light to the situation. Pipe work being done in the headquarters building which causes the connecting pipes to reverberate through to our building. I suppose the criminals could have been at headquarters, killed the security over there and gave us this explanation in order to keep things under wraps. If so, the plan worked. We returned to work and noticed that the banging soon ends.
But I have proven my bravery. I ventured forth into the unknown in the wee hours of the morning. And I lived to tell the tale.
MONDAY...
— Not a super day. Work gets busy and somewhat hectic and ball gets rained out tonight. Oh well, nothing horrible happens to me but it’s just annoying.
TUESDAY...
— Work is less busy but still busy. Also have a long tour of another building at work. Get the new Wilco CD and some groceries in the evening.
WEDNESDAY...
— Canada Day and I’m working alone tonight. Melissa is around, in her section, until close to midnight... and we take a peak at the downtown fireworks from the fourth floor windows. Looked pretty good.
THURSDAY...
— Typical work day night. Some loud banging downstairs in the basement at 3:00 is a bit freaky. Almost sounded like people busting through a wall down there... but it seems like they were doing some work on pipes in the HQ building and the two buildings are connected somehow.
FRIDAY...
— Quiet house day. Some movies as it rains outside.
SATURDAY...
— More quiet. Got some extra HD channels for the TV. The all nature one is pretty amazing.
SUNDAY...
— Ball goes ahead. We lose 1-0. Probably my best game of fastpitch though... catching, sac bunt, bloop single and, in the seventh, missed a tying home run by an inch on the bat. Just got under it a bit and it was caught out at the warning track.
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