Making It Up As I Go Along #690

The backyard is getting overrun by wasps in this late summer time.  I’m not 100% sure but I don’t think there’s a nest on my property.  Either they’re next door at the pigsty or they’ve got a nest in the nearby woods and, in either case, they come around my yard because of the direct sun and heat.  My backyard gets lots of sun and the whole back side of the house is in direct sun most of the day.  But yesterday there were several dozen wasps buzzing around the yard and back of the house.  They haven’t had a go at me… but it’s still a bit unnerving to see them patrolling around.

With all the hurricane footage on TV, I’m just on reporter-being-blown-across-creation-for-our-amusement overload.  They treat it as if it’s a duty.  But at the same time, they act all amazed when they see other people walking around out there.  They’ll run up and stick a microphone in someone’s face and say “don’t you know you shouldn’t be out here!”  Practice what you preach news reporters.  We can understand the severity of a storm without watching you attempt to talk into a microphone in 100 mph winds.  It’s just dumb, and becoming cliché.  Every weather event that occurs, you just know we’re hours away from water-soaked newscasters getting blown down the street.

I’m not sure what kind of sports fan this makes me, and I saw someone write about this just today as well… but I’m kind of enjoying the fact that the Blue Jays are currently not playing meaningful baseball.  I can watch a game more relaxed.  And I enjoy when they’re playing a few of the younger players that were just called up.

It annoys me how we always have to keep on top of billion dollar companies to not rip us off.  After two years of an acceptable fee I had to pay Rogers for my phone, TV and internet, my discount came to an end and my bill shot up by almost 40%.  Luckily, Bell sent an offer in the mail which I could quote to Rogers with the threat of leaving.  When it was all said and done, I basically have everything I wanted from Rogers (losing a few channels I never watched anyway) and I’m now paying $5 a month less than when I was on the previous discount.  So… do nothing, and get charged an extra 40%.  Or basically haggle with them to keep it at a reasonable amount.  I don’t think I should have to haggle with billion dollar companies.  But I guess this business model is why they are, in fact, billion dollar companies in the first place.

Of course, then there’s the other kind of business model.  Like, yesterday, with the wasps at their peak, I called a pest control company.  I pushed the right number for wasps and explained my situation to the woman on the other end of the line.  Happily, she says “oh let me transfer you to our expert on wasps.”  I get voicemail… leave a message… and never hear from them again (this being 24 hours later).  You’d think, if the person was away on vacation or something, they’d not transfer me to her.  And if she’s not on vacation, I appear to be a low priority.  Or perhaps the wasps have taken over the city… and I’m number six thousand on the message list.  God help us all.

Evil Legs
Evil legs dangle
As they haphazardly meander
Carefree flying
Through the sky

No fear of us giants
If situated within their flight path
Even your face
An obstacle they expect will move

A yell from me
Drives great bears away
Panicking through the woods
Out of fear of being seen

But yelling at them
Little evil sky marauders
Brings on boredom
As they veer towards your nose

Nature’s thugs
Running the neighbourhood
An invading gang
Going as they please

I cower in fear
I hold up within my house
Fearing a waspy shiv
As evil dangly legs meander by my window

Making It Up As I Go Along #689

Sometimes I think the world is too kid friendly.  Or at least little kid friendly.  This past week, I had a nice visit with friends from back home.  This had me playing tourist for a few days and included a tour of parliament’s centre block.

Our group had at least a half dozen kids who would have all been under the age of ten.  Many of them likely less than six.  

It made our group what I began to call a World of Squirm.  They just can’t sit still and know no personal boundaries.  If they wanted to get from point A to point B and your legs were an obstacle, they’re climbing through.  

And the worst part of the Squirm tour was that, twice, while the tour guide gathered people in a circle to discuss the history of rooms we were standing in… toddler fart drifted through the air.

Perhaps the rule should be that if you’re too young to understand to hold it in, you’re too young to join the tour.

Fall is quickly coming.  Leaves are beginning to turn… rain is picking up again after a few weeks of dry… and nighttime temperatures are sliding to single digits.  It got down to 5 degrees one night last week.  It’s funny because Fall is now my favourite season, and I’m looking forward to aspects of it… but I’m still dreading how quickly summer is leaving.  I think it’s the knowledge that winter is indeed coming.

It’s funny, actually.  Each of the four seasons is the same length but winter and summer always feel much longer than spring and fall.  I guess spring and fall are transitions to the two extremes (the hottest time of year versus the coldest).  This leaves parts of spring and fall feel like winter or summer.  But even though fall is my favourite season, it always only feels like it’s a month long.

TV commercials for drugs that are supposed to help treat such issues as dry skin and stomach disorders are simply bizarre.  They all start talking about your symptoms as if you may soon be shunned from society.  Then they switch to the glory of the drug and how life will become bliss.  And the finish is the soothing voice of a woman explaining the possible side effects of the drug.

And the side effects always seem worse than any good that may come.  Increased risk of cancers, trouble breathing, nausea, diarrhea… in rare cases, death.  Surely the dry skin is better to deal with than those possible side effects.  I’d rather avoid foods that may inflame an irritable bowel than be able to eat mom’s spicy chilli in peace while risking my ability to breathe.  I can’t imagine any of these commercials bringing some great swell of sales for these drugs.

Trump

Trumpeting Trump is trumping

Trumping around the room

Trumpeting Trumpy trumpisms

Just like a simple fool