Scottish Highlands

Scottish Highlands

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Making It Up As I Go Along #487


Limbo
Hearing No is not hell
Hell is the Yes that hangs
Forever in Limbo
Awaiting the result to follow the word

No brings closure
Allows you to move on
Things move forward
Disappointment fades to opportunity

Limbo Yes brings waiting
Everything stops dead
A holding pattern
Where fear gnaws at nerves

When Limbo Yes turns to No
Wasted weeks waiting
No plans can be made
Powerlessly holding on as deadlines tick closer




TUESDAY…
--- Cold morning with heavy frost to scrape off the car.  Fairly quiet work day followed immediately by physio… home for cereal supper and a little TV for only a couple of hours before bed.

WEDNESDAY…
--- Snow.  Drive in is a bit messy. 
--- Some after work TV as it’s time to stay up late again… first night after days is often a tiring fight of the bed.

THURSDAY…
--- Lunch with Karl followed by afternoon nap and night shift.  Pretty tired by the time I hit bed in the morning.

FRIDAY…
--- Awake around 10:30 but snooze in bed, in and out, until almost 1:00 PM.  Some TV during the day before night shift number two.
--- So tired of the house selling.  Today was supposed to be the deadline on things but their side needs a bit more time to get things in order and now we wait until Tuesday.  The last week or so has been limbo hell.
--- I leave work early.  Stomach isn’t in good shape this evening.  Not sure if it’s a bug, bad oranges, or stress from the last few weeks of real estate and shoulder discussions… but either way, the call of bed comes about three hours earlier than it otherwise would.

SATURDAY…
--- Bad sleep and I do nothing for the day… lots of sofa time.  Fever and a touchy stomach… for the day I eat two bowls of cereal and some toast.

SUNDAY…
--- Wake up feeling better again.  No more hot and cold… feel a bit warm from time to time through the day but nothing too bad… and my stomach feels alright again.  Although I decide not to push it too hard too fast and skip out on the KFC Grey Cup tradition.  Game is a dud too and I quite as soon as I see the Mounties parade the cup onto the field with six minutes to play.  Sometimes the Red Surge just looks ridiculous.  Sports trophy parading is one of those times.

MONDAY…
--- Physio… a pond walk… a nap… some TV… a pretty basic day off.

Monday, November 21, 2011

Making It Up As I Go Along #486


The Weremoose
Fear the Weremoose.
Hearing deep grunts from within the woods
Peering out the cabin window
Into the darkness
Trying to spot the noisemaker

Flashes of lightning
Bring instant daylight
Gone with the blink of an eye
As the sky shatters
Followed by a slow rumble

Could the grunts be just that?
Perhaps no creature lingers
But instead the skeletons of trees
To go with the storm’s thunder

Until a lightning flash brings terror
Standing in the cabin’s clearing
Glaring towards you
A great creature
With rack of antlers so big
They block out the forest behind.

Thuds over the forest floor
Closer towards the cabin’s door
Atop the step
Breath heard huffing
Your hand hesitates over the doorknob.

And with the next flash from the sky
Comes furry hands through the door
Forcing themselves along the frame
No longer the hoof of moose
These are the hands
Fur covered human
Yet monstrously big.

You scamper to the back of the cabin.
Looking for a place to hide
Then hoping for a new way out
As the creature stomps towards you
Across the wooden floor

And all there is to save you
Is a closet shelf to cower under
Hoping to be low enough
Hoping to be far enough away from the open room
But the Weremoose is not fooled
It stomps straight towards you
And with another flash of lightning
Those mighty antlers come crashing down

Through the closet door
Through the small shelf
Towards you
Until you wake.
Eyes flash open
Blankets tangled around you
In the quiet of your room.

A breath to ease the nerves
Eyes blinked to remove the sleep
And a glance towards the clock says 4:00
Meaning sleep will have to be attempted
Once more
With hope the Weremoose won’t find you
As easily as in that dream.

MONDAY…
--- Slow day at work.
--- New offer on the house… and it’s conditionally sold again.  Hopefully it works out this time… I’m getting to the point that I can’t wait again.

TUESDAY…
--- Frustrating work day.  Nothing in particular, but just not a real nice day.
--- Falling asleep half the night while trying to stay up late for night shift.

WEDNESDAY…
--- Night shift… and the food is great… Thai.  But that’s all that’s great.  Vacation time is needed soon.

THURSDAY…
--- Up around 11:30.  A bit of TV before nap time.

FRIDAY…
--- Up around 11:00.  And meet Laura and Janice for drinks at 2:00.  Been a while since seeing Laura, so it’s a nice time catching up. 
--- Once home I fall asleep on the sofa to the point where I wake up thinking it’s Saturday morning. 
--- Mom and dad avoid a bad time when a truck clips the bumper off their car when they leave Swiss Chalet.  Another few feet out into the intersection and that could have been serious.

SATURDAY…
--- Exhausted today.  After coming off night shift, I have to get up around 8:00 for a 9:00 inspection of the house.  Do physio while that’s happening but I’m wrecked after that.  Napping much of the afternoon and dragged out in the evening.

SUNDAY…
--- Quiet day.  Wake at 7:00 but refuse to get up… rain starts outside by 8:00 and that’s like drugs… I’m out until close to 11:00.
--- Some football and hockey on TV and battery recharging takes place around the house.

Sunday, November 13, 2011

Making It Up As I Go Along #485


Based on a Dream
I dreamed I was back in school today.  One of those quasi realities that dreams often create.  It was sort of high school and sort of university.  You’d walk down a high school hall waving to a high school friend, then turn a corner and teleport into the tunnels of university, rushing off to class through a crowd of mostly strangers.

And the friends weren’t my best buddies.  None of those I know best were there.  I’d see familiar faces of people who I sort of know on the most superficial of levels.  Nice enough people… the types you’d see and think “I’ll have to get to know them a bit better, go to lunch or something”… but you never do.  And they remain simply familiar, superficial friends.  Those you know on Facebook status levels. 

She got a new cat last week.

He hated last night’s hockey game.

She’s going jogging this afternoon.

He had a busy day yesterday.

And in my dream, I knew I had a class to go to.  And I knew it was starting pretty much now.  But I was in no rush.  I wandered the halls, waved at the girl who got her cat, and nodded at the guy who was busy yesterday.  And we all just sort of meandered into class, not caring that we’re ten minutes late.

And even though I know this is my class, I know little about it.  A philosophy class I think… which is odd, since I never took a philosophy class in my life. 

And in the dream world, it also appears this isn’t just Monday after a weekend away from my studies.  This is like me having a fifteen to twenty year weekend.  I’m back in class yes, and I know what the class is generally covering… but I haven’t read a book or studied a note on this material.  I’m in the room, clueless, and unconcerned about the cluelessness. 

That is until the teacher tells us “you may begin.” 

I don’t even see the papers of the test on my desk until she utters those words.  And I look down with panic.  But still, my brain scurries.  Maybe I know enough to get by?  I have experience in life, I’ve watched TV programs about this stuff.  Perhaps I can manage?

And I look at the instructions atop the page.  And read how I’m supposed to cite examples from a specific textbook.  A book I’ve never read.

In dream world, my panic increases.  I actually can see the unopened book laying upon the shelf in my locker.  I remember how I meant to read it… but just forgot.

I read the first question… the second… the third.  I turn the page over, hoping that starting at the back of the test will somehow improve my odds.  But I know none of it and my mind races for the right course of action.  Get up and walk out, leaving the paper blank? Make stuff up with the hopes of earning a mark here and a point there?

The decision is never made.  For at this moment, I wake up.

Lying in bed, panicking against my pillow.  I slowly… sleepily… realize no decision is necessary.  The test, so horrible and daunting, shoots twenty years away… down a worm hole of time… far far away.

And with relief, comes a relaxed stretch and heavy eyes.  Until a sudden jolt that often comes after waking from unpleasant dreams.

In the past, if I go back to sleep too soon after waking from a bad dream, I pick back up where I left off.

Well, on this day, I have no desire to return to that classroom.  No wish to return to the semi-school sort of university.  And no want to go back and see those kind of familiar barely known friends.

And that’s how I came to decide to get up this morning.  Still tired, and ready for sleep… I dragged myself awake and out of bed… not wanting to return to an imaginary class, where I’d be forced to take an unreal test that I’d have absolutely no hope in passing in the land of make believe.



SUNDAY…
--- Day shift.  Pretty quiet day.
--- The phone alarm betrays me.  Waking me at 3:30 rather than 4:30.  It did change the time for daylight savings… but bumped the location from Ottawa to Halifax.

MONDAY…
--- Lunch with Sheila… and a new showing for the house as it’s back up for sale.  Wednesday evening for the viewing.
--- Physio after work and some TV after that… with a good ol’ Yala Yala shwarma for supper.

TUESDAY…
--- Night shift.  Not much out of the ordinary.

WEDNESDAY…
--- Leave for work a touch early for a showing of the house.  So I actually work something along a 12.5 almost 13 hour shift.

THURSDAY…
--- Some TV in the early afternoon, after waking up.  Then the showings kick in.  I go for a walk, tired, and then get some groceries while a 3:00 showing happens.  When I get home, a request for another showing at 5:00.  So it’s a walk of the pond and neighbourhood at dusk and then some TV in the evening.

FRIDAY…
--- This house selling thing is weird.  First the conditional sale… which takes two full weeks before it goes away.  Now a second showing booked fifteen minutes before they are due to show up.  So I’m out walking the streets for two hours… well, hour and a half with a half hour chat on the phone to the parents.

SATURDAY…
--- Physio and some movies and hockey on TV.  And some UFC as well.  I think the UFC will take over entirely from boxing.  It does many things right… bringing top contenders to fight each other rather than dodging a contender looking for paydays… and there’s only one title per weight class.  Boxing is hurt by having so many organizations.

Saturday, November 05, 2011

Making It Up As I Go Along #484


November 4
Sometimes hate is easier

When sleep is broken by power tooled men
Calling to each other between drills
Let alone not caring someone’s curtains are drawn
Rather they are oblivious to the fact
Ignoring the idea of others
Yelling, drilling and stomping away morning’s peace

When know it alls pound chest
Proclaiming their rightness
Ignoring those that know more
They waste your time
And suck away energy

When dumb kids comb the neighbourhood
Literally walking with pants around ankles
Feeling bold and rebellious
They ring the doorbells of the elderly
Running away giggling
While a poor woman stands at her door
Confused

When all this comes together
All within a twelve hour window of time
This is when hate rears its head
The easiest reaction to have
And the internal struggle begins
Because we’re always told how bad hate is
But on days like this
It feels so right.


SATURDAY…
--- Alone at work on a quiet dayshift.  Left over pizza accompanies me there.
--- Cold in the morning.  -5 in the car on the way in… I had to scrape the windshield.

SUNDAY…
--- Alone at work again.  Feeling a bit iffy.  Very tired.  Hope it’s not that flu that’s going about.
--- Catch up on Sunday TV once I’m home.  Quickly becoming the best TV day of the week.

MONDAY…
--- Sick day.  Exhausted and throbbing head for much of the day.  Sleep a lot and that helps mostly… just any activity drains me at this point.
--- Expecting to be at work for Halloween, I bought nothing to give out.  Ignore the door… there’s only a knock or ring of the bell about six or seven times anyway.

TUESDAY…
--- Sick day number two.  I go to physio but cut out the exercises today.  Just too easily over heated.
--- Go to the inspection of my new place as well.  Really like the view out the spare room windows and like the way the place is shaping up.
--- Mom and dad booked tickets.  Here for almost a week in mid December… to help me move and get the new place up to snuff.
--- Also I’ve booked my tickets home.  For the first time, I will not be home for Christmas… but will be soon after.  Home on the 28th of December.  Back in Ottawa January 11th . 

WEDNESDAY…
--- Wake thinking I’m feeling better.  But a walk around the pond knocks me down pretty quickly.  One lap and I’m ready to lay down.
--- Take it easy the rest of the day and watch some TV in the evening.

THURSDAY…
--- Physio followed by groceries.  And get through it all without losing all energy.  I think I’m healthy again… flu on the way out.

FRIDAY…
--- And the sale of my house is not happening.  All thanks to a condo manager who doesn’t think dealing with other people is necessary… and a young guy getting led through life by a know it all father.  Even though the real estate agent that represents them, and the inspector they hired both say the house is fine for the purchase, ol’ Pop decides that what the inspector really means is that the entire roof on the building needs to be replaced.  Two weeks of my time wasted by idiots.