A bit short this week. Been busy times and I still have stuff that should be done prior to work tomorrow.
Shoe Tying vs. Breathing
I am not able to return to Newfoundland as a place to live. Some may say this is a fact of employment. Or perhaps an inability to withstand the weather. Crazy people... lack of options and opportunities... or, in the words of one somewhat delusional seat sharer on the plane, a lack of recycling.
No, the reason I can not return to Newfoundland on a permanent basis is based purely on food. In Newfoundland, I would become a 500 pound needing the removal of the living room wall in order to go for a waddle outside.
Whenever I go home, weight follows. A few Christmas’s ago, I was home for ten days. I gained nine pounds. And there have been two occasions in my life when I was unable to both breathe and tie shoe laces at the same time. Both of those occasions happened on visits home.
This trip was no different. Too much food that I’d have no opportunity to eat on a routine day in Ottawa. Gravy and peas pudding and dressing and toutins and salt meat... all awaited me around each corner.
And Uncle Bert’s house. Sweet mercy. Two suppers there resulted in six deserts. On both occasions a large meal was followed by my choice of blueberry pudding, lemon cheese cake, and lassy jam tart. All three would not be available to me in Ontario. So all three have to be eaten on those nights.
Yesterday, supper was at Wince’s. Turkey, roast and salt meat are all on the menu. Peas pudding and gravy find their way to my plate as well. And, because I’m a weak individual, I go back for seconds! The insanity is ended with a partridgeberry pudding. Two servings of that as well, complete with thick sauce on top.
Make no wonder that the people of Newfoundland are on the larger side of the scale. Periods of weather described as “not fit” coupled with food as mentioned above and you have a lethal combination of food and inactivity. It tastes glorious... but makes you seek out elastic waisted gym pants and hockey jersey sized shirts in order to make it through life clothed.
So I am back in Ontario and perhaps, here, I have a chance to keep myself below the 250 pound mark. Shwarmas and salads make for a more difficult path to obesity. For a Newfoundlander, Ontario can qualify all by itself... as a diet.
THURSDAY...
— Work is slightly annoying and fairly busy. I get home and watch Survivor... nice to have it back.
— Decide to not go in tomorrow... which means holidays starts tonight. Off for a week and hitting Newfoundland tomorrow night.
FRIDAY...
--- took the day off work. Slept about 8.5 hours (way more than normal).
--- go to Mazda for a new gear shift knob and then got a great shwarma for supper.
--- off to the airport after I eat and a direct flight home. Watch the latest Terminator movie on the plane. Average at best.
--- little lunch and chat with mom and dad before bed.
SATURDAY...
--- lunch with Morrissey. We also hit Fred's Records and walk around downtown. See Allan Doyle (of Great Big Sea) walking along there.
--- Ches's Fish n Chips with mom and dad for supper and then the Riggs's come for cards.
SUNDAY...
--- drive out to central. Visit Aunt Margaret and end off at Bert's for the night.
MONDAY...
--- over to Fogo in the morning with Bert and Bet in tow. Running around all over. Going to south side of Joe Batt's and running around the town of Fogo some.
TUESDAY...
---Day on Fogo with mom and dad (we dropped Bert and Bet at the ferry last night).
---to Sandy Cove for a walk and Back Western Shore for lunch. Then a hike up Brimstone Head to peer out from one of the four corners of the Earth.
--- across on the ferry and supper and a night of cards at Bert's.
WEDNESDAY...
--- drive to town in the late morning/afternoon.
--- hang with Wayne for an hour or so after getting back.
--- supper at Wince's. One of those unable to breath due to fullness suppers. Cards end things and it's home to pack.
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Making It Up As I Go Along #383
Little Drunken Ones
Over the last few weeks I have come to a rather startling conclusion. Children... all cute and innocent and sweet and cute... yes I mention cute twice because it’s just that important... children are drunk people!
What are the qualities of a drunk?
Difficulty walking...
We all know how a drunk walks. They could be positioned five feet away from a barn and be right in the middle of the doorway, and they’ll still stumble enough to find a way to run into the door frame. Hills can cause a headfirst dive into concrete. Just getting from point A to point B can be a literal two steps forward, one step back procedure.
Well children walk very much as a drunk. Deliberate stomps take place on the verge of toppling. A backwards step sometimes needing to balance the wobble of forward momentum. A hill can result in a tumbling little one. And the nudge of shoulder into door frame will bring a quick end to the affair followed by a quick drop onto the butt.
Speaking gibberish...
A drunk person may say anything. It may be truthful... it may be heartfelt... it’s often totally devoid of any sense. Homer Simpson, when drunk, tells a story in which he can be quoted as saying “you’re a baloney”.
Now couldn’t you picture a child saying that very same thing? Where adults will talk civilly to try and iron out differences, children will get frustrated and resort to “you’re a baloney”.
Drunks.
Unable to pronounce words properly...
The phrases may be correct and the words make sense, but a poor ol’ intoxicated individual may slur and stumble all over the word. “I just want to tell you something” can quickly be reduced to “Ieee juice waan t’tell ya somin” when too much beer or rum has entered the body.
Well children speak in much the same way. Many a time I’ve listened to the things coming out of a child’s mouth and then turned to a parent for translation. And many of those times, the parent shrugs and says “nobody knows”. I myself have words of my own childhood to prove this fact. Recently, my parents sent along a list of words I said at 21 months of age. They include:
Brie = bread
Crie = ice cream
Mulk = milk
Oage = orange
Na na = banana
Mouf = mouth
Throw those words into sentences and that could pass for drunkeness no problem.
Public urination...
Only two types of people do this so boldly that others could be walking five feet away and you’re still letting it fly. Toddlers... and drunks. I’ve walked along in downtown St. John’s on more than one occasion, and saw a little river making it’s way down the sidewalk while a man gently sways along side a Water Street office building. These are now almost sacred spots. Places where I pass in the light of day, and look upon them, knowing their history. These places are unknown to tourists. Perhaps we could set up a tour. “This is unique architecture seen prior to the great fire of 1892 and, a little known fact, Greg Doyle peed here last Friday night”.
A child has the same sense of boldness. Although sometimes the boldness isn’t there so much, but just the knowledge that what must be must be. Yesterday I went for a walk along the pond. I came along one section where a child had run ahead of his mother and brothers. He paused when seeing me and I heard him yell back to his mom “but there’s a man there”. She called back something reassuring... and then, the next thing I know, I’m looking at his bare butt while he gives the grass a little watering. This being at 3:00 in the afternoon. No bushes to cover his deed. I suppose I should feel lucky that he decided not to face me.
So that’s it. More than enough proof to show that what we see as cuteness in a child is actually the signs of a deep seeded alcohol problem disguised under a veil of cuteness. We must help the poor little drunkards. The only mystery left is how their little livers don’t give out before they hit eight. I guess it’s proof of the resiliency of the human body.
THURSDAY...
— Day after the promotion interview is better. I still didn’t sleep much but the anxiousness is gone now and I can just do my work.
— Go to the fastpitch game tonight. Game one of the semi’s. I coach first base... we lose 1-0. Good game though... I miss playing in such a game.
FRIDAY...
— Sleep a bit... watch some TV... sleep some more... night shift. Chinese food is great and the work is fairly quiet tonight.
SATURDAY & SUNDAY...
— Work Saturday night is quite quiet. Sleep most of the time at home before it.
— Tired Sunday around the house. Got up around 11:00 and was almost asleep... or asleep... up until around 2:30.
MONDAY...
— Keg night with Riggs. Good food and eats... getting spoiled with this Keg thing!
— First day in weeks I sleep well. I had better than 7 hours worth last night... getting up around 11:00 this morning.
TUESDAY...
— Quiet day. A walk... a bit of TV... some laundry. And another good night’s sleep.
Over the last few weeks I have come to a rather startling conclusion. Children... all cute and innocent and sweet and cute... yes I mention cute twice because it’s just that important... children are drunk people!
What are the qualities of a drunk?
Difficulty walking...
We all know how a drunk walks. They could be positioned five feet away from a barn and be right in the middle of the doorway, and they’ll still stumble enough to find a way to run into the door frame. Hills can cause a headfirst dive into concrete. Just getting from point A to point B can be a literal two steps forward, one step back procedure.
Well children walk very much as a drunk. Deliberate stomps take place on the verge of toppling. A backwards step sometimes needing to balance the wobble of forward momentum. A hill can result in a tumbling little one. And the nudge of shoulder into door frame will bring a quick end to the affair followed by a quick drop onto the butt.
Speaking gibberish...
A drunk person may say anything. It may be truthful... it may be heartfelt... it’s often totally devoid of any sense. Homer Simpson, when drunk, tells a story in which he can be quoted as saying “you’re a baloney”.
Now couldn’t you picture a child saying that very same thing? Where adults will talk civilly to try and iron out differences, children will get frustrated and resort to “you’re a baloney”.
Drunks.
Unable to pronounce words properly...
The phrases may be correct and the words make sense, but a poor ol’ intoxicated individual may slur and stumble all over the word. “I just want to tell you something” can quickly be reduced to “Ieee juice waan t’tell ya somin” when too much beer or rum has entered the body.
Well children speak in much the same way. Many a time I’ve listened to the things coming out of a child’s mouth and then turned to a parent for translation. And many of those times, the parent shrugs and says “nobody knows”. I myself have words of my own childhood to prove this fact. Recently, my parents sent along a list of words I said at 21 months of age. They include:
Brie = bread
Crie = ice cream
Mulk = milk
Oage = orange
Na na = banana
Mouf = mouth
Throw those words into sentences and that could pass for drunkeness no problem.
Public urination...
Only two types of people do this so boldly that others could be walking five feet away and you’re still letting it fly. Toddlers... and drunks. I’ve walked along in downtown St. John’s on more than one occasion, and saw a little river making it’s way down the sidewalk while a man gently sways along side a Water Street office building. These are now almost sacred spots. Places where I pass in the light of day, and look upon them, knowing their history. These places are unknown to tourists. Perhaps we could set up a tour. “This is unique architecture seen prior to the great fire of 1892 and, a little known fact, Greg Doyle peed here last Friday night”.
A child has the same sense of boldness. Although sometimes the boldness isn’t there so much, but just the knowledge that what must be must be. Yesterday I went for a walk along the pond. I came along one section where a child had run ahead of his mother and brothers. He paused when seeing me and I heard him yell back to his mom “but there’s a man there”. She called back something reassuring... and then, the next thing I know, I’m looking at his bare butt while he gives the grass a little watering. This being at 3:00 in the afternoon. No bushes to cover his deed. I suppose I should feel lucky that he decided not to face me.
So that’s it. More than enough proof to show that what we see as cuteness in a child is actually the signs of a deep seeded alcohol problem disguised under a veil of cuteness. We must help the poor little drunkards. The only mystery left is how their little livers don’t give out before they hit eight. I guess it’s proof of the resiliency of the human body.
THURSDAY...
— Day after the promotion interview is better. I still didn’t sleep much but the anxiousness is gone now and I can just do my work.
— Go to the fastpitch game tonight. Game one of the semi’s. I coach first base... we lose 1-0. Good game though... I miss playing in such a game.
FRIDAY...
— Sleep a bit... watch some TV... sleep some more... night shift. Chinese food is great and the work is fairly quiet tonight.
SATURDAY & SUNDAY...
— Work Saturday night is quite quiet. Sleep most of the time at home before it.
— Tired Sunday around the house. Got up around 11:00 and was almost asleep... or asleep... up until around 2:30.
MONDAY...
— Keg night with Riggs. Good food and eats... getting spoiled with this Keg thing!
— First day in weeks I sleep well. I had better than 7 hours worth last night... getting up around 11:00 this morning.
TUESDAY...
— Quiet day. A walk... a bit of TV... some laundry. And another good night’s sleep.
Wednesday, September 09, 2009
Making It Up As I Go Along #382
People
Some people drain you.
Taking the energy out of you.
Making you tired.
Causing heads to ache
Some make you anxious.
Can’t be trusted.
Can’t be believed.
Causing stutters of uncertainty.
Some people bore you.
Words come out of mouths.
They even enter ears.
But the brain fails to register the meaning.
Some comfort you.
Warm blankets of smiles.
Soothing voices.
Words that chase the bad away.
Then there is those that energize you.
Time with them makes you electric.
If forced to choose one, take this.
For these people inspire your best.
TUESDAY & WEDNESDAY...
— Work the day shift. Feel a bit out of it this week of days. Almost like I would have felt nine months ago working. Odd how that happens sometimes.
— Tuesday supper with Geoff was good. The Keg again... good good steak.
THURSDAY...
— Tired. I go back for my afternoon nap before 1:00 and sleep until almost 3:00. Slept last night without the splint on my thumb too. It was more comfortable that way and the improving continues.
— Work is busy for a night shift. And pizza is brought in to get us through.
FRIDAY...
— Tired night at work. Learn some latent stuff with Jason, in preparation for the promotions. But the eyes are heavy from about 2:00 until 4:30. That’s what happens when the afternoon nap is tampered with.
SATURDAY...
— Groceries after work. Bed by 7:00 AM and up at noon. Lay pretty low until 5ish... do some cleaning and try to study some for the promotions but I’m pretty tired... typical day after shift with that.
— Vin Scully calling the Dodger game tonight on TV. Vin Scully is one of those rare people able to make you thankful he’s one of a kind while, at the same time, wishing there was thirty of him... one for each big league team to act as play by play man. Vin Scully is to Blue Jay announcer Jamie Campbell as Wayne Gretzky is to Tie Domi. One being a master of his craft... while the other is simply an idiot. I challenge anyone to listen to Vin Scully call a ball game and not become an instant fan of baseball.
SUNDAY & MONDAY...
— Study days for the upcoming promotion interview at work. Sunday with Leslie, Mark and Sarah involved, Monday on my own. Too nice out to be stuck inside... but oh well.
TUESDAY...
— Should have written today but was too busy with study. Most of the day from 9:00 to 3:00... and then another hour and a half or so for review after supper.
— Supper is an evening out with Laura, Janice and Cara Lea. Good to see Laura... some fine laughs to be had.
— All my fingers can now reach my thumb. So it’s improving pretty well. Still swollen though and I still await my consultation with the plastic surgeon. But I’m hoping they just say physio will cover it.
Some people drain you.
Taking the energy out of you.
Making you tired.
Causing heads to ache
Some make you anxious.
Can’t be trusted.
Can’t be believed.
Causing stutters of uncertainty.
Some people bore you.
Words come out of mouths.
They even enter ears.
But the brain fails to register the meaning.
Some comfort you.
Warm blankets of smiles.
Soothing voices.
Words that chase the bad away.
Then there is those that energize you.
Time with them makes you electric.
If forced to choose one, take this.
For these people inspire your best.
TUESDAY & WEDNESDAY...
— Work the day shift. Feel a bit out of it this week of days. Almost like I would have felt nine months ago working. Odd how that happens sometimes.
— Tuesday supper with Geoff was good. The Keg again... good good steak.
THURSDAY...
— Tired. I go back for my afternoon nap before 1:00 and sleep until almost 3:00. Slept last night without the splint on my thumb too. It was more comfortable that way and the improving continues.
— Work is busy for a night shift. And pizza is brought in to get us through.
FRIDAY...
— Tired night at work. Learn some latent stuff with Jason, in preparation for the promotions. But the eyes are heavy from about 2:00 until 4:30. That’s what happens when the afternoon nap is tampered with.
SATURDAY...
— Groceries after work. Bed by 7:00 AM and up at noon. Lay pretty low until 5ish... do some cleaning and try to study some for the promotions but I’m pretty tired... typical day after shift with that.
— Vin Scully calling the Dodger game tonight on TV. Vin Scully is one of those rare people able to make you thankful he’s one of a kind while, at the same time, wishing there was thirty of him... one for each big league team to act as play by play man. Vin Scully is to Blue Jay announcer Jamie Campbell as Wayne Gretzky is to Tie Domi. One being a master of his craft... while the other is simply an idiot. I challenge anyone to listen to Vin Scully call a ball game and not become an instant fan of baseball.
SUNDAY & MONDAY...
— Study days for the upcoming promotion interview at work. Sunday with Leslie, Mark and Sarah involved, Monday on my own. Too nice out to be stuck inside... but oh well.
TUESDAY...
— Should have written today but was too busy with study. Most of the day from 9:00 to 3:00... and then another hour and a half or so for review after supper.
— Supper is an evening out with Laura, Janice and Cara Lea. Good to see Laura... some fine laughs to be had.
— All my fingers can now reach my thumb. So it’s improving pretty well. Still swollen though and I still await my consultation with the plastic surgeon. But I’m hoping they just say physio will cover it.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
