A la Peanut butter (and Honey and Banana) Sandwiches!
Not a good writing day.
Yesterday I was bursting at the seams to write something. But this was while I was out walking and, by
the time I got home and cleaned up and settled down, I was ready to do other
stuff.
Most times when I write, it’s quick. I’ll usually get an idea… sit down… and start
typing. A story or commentary is done in
an hour… a poem in about twenty minutes or so.
Today I sat down to write at 1:00. When I sat, I could look out my basement
window and see that the roof of my neighbours house had a layer of snow from
the morning falling that occurred.
45 minutes later, with not a thing typed on the computer and
the roof back to a snowless state, I decided it was time for lunch.
Peanut butter, honey and banana sandwiches are a fine thing. I actually was not smart enough to put the
three ingredients together until just the last year or two. I had often had peanut butter and honey. And I had often had peanut butter and banana. But it wasn’t until discussing such things
with Megan at work that the picture became complete. She said, with wide eyed excitement, that the
three together was the best. It was as
if a light had been turned on. My world
became broader. My eyes were
opened.
Yes, there’s nothing like such stories to make you realize
where you fit in the grand scheme of the world.
Newton had an eye opening revelation when an apple fell from a tree and
bounced off his head. Gravity! My eye opening revelation was when I was told
of a new type of sandwich I could have for my lunch.
After eating my Law of Lunch, it was a return to the
computer. And things came to me for
writing. In fact, the things were there
the whole time. The problem is when
you’re in the mood to write things that just simply should not be shared.
I actually began a piece anyway. Aiming to make it more comedic than
negative. Talking about “scooting
through life stupid”. I felt this made a
catchy way to get into a humorous look of society. It could even become a moto that someone may
steal and use as their status update of facebook.
“Scoot Through Life Stupid”, they would write. Five people would click the “like”
button. Two or three would try to make
witty comments.
“You scoot that way all the time!” or “How is this any
different from the way you always act?”
People on facebook love thinking that the predictable is
clever.
But back to my writing…
I got about a page in to the Scooting commentary and
realized that it wasn’t being clever or humorous. It was being mean spirited and preachy. So I stopped it.
I didn’t delete, mind you.
The Scoot is still alive, cut and pasted into another document and saved
amongst a smorgasbord of document fragments.
So three and a half hours after beginning the writing
process, I am back to square one. With
ideas unfit for human consumption and my back now turned to the window,
removing myself from the distraction of the snowless rooftop.
What would make things easier is if I was striving to write
in clichés. The more I read, the more a
realize how much cliché is out there.
Facebook status updates and the Hockey News have become the two biggest
cliché factories in my world. I’ve
actually almost cancelled my subscription to the Hockey News simply because
I’ve read articles in there and caught myself rolling my eyes at least a half
dozen times through the three pages of print.
I’ve ended the article not thinking I’ve gained insight into a
particular hockey player or team… but thinking “how does that writer get paid
to come up with this stuff?”
It’s gotten to a point where I spot the clichés even when
I’m not reading. On television or on the
radio. Talking with co-workers. There are things said that make me want to
smack ‘em.
For instance… no Facebook or twitter update should take the
form of a letter. Please God let me
never again see a “Dear guy across from me on the bus…” tweet or “Dear Bell
(the phone company)…” Facebook update.
You aren’t mailing them a letter.
In fact, the odds that the person you’re addressing ever knows you’re
addressing them are so infinitesimally
small that if they ever do find out, we’ll all be walking around getting
struck by lightning at least three times a day.
And on TV… I love baseball.
It’s probably my favourite sport.
But I am unfortunate to have Rogers Sportsnet as my only Toronto Blue
Jay provider. That network shows all 162
games… so I can watch every Blue Jay game I want to. But this means it comes with a bombardment of
clichés. Every commercial break is loaded
with slow motion captions of Blue Jay players walking towards the camera with
very serious looks on their faces. They
fill a minute long commercial with twenty 5 second sound bits. “Losing is not an option”… “We’re in it
together”… “It’s a team game”… “Now’s the time.”
If clichés were explosives, a Toronto Blue Jays commercial
would be the equivalent of two hundred and seventy-five Hiroshima bombs.
Ugh… the fact that I just called it Hiroshima bombs is proof
that I’m not immune to the cliché.
And during the game, we get Buck Martinez and Pat Tabler…
nice enough guys… talking about ball player’s “bread and butter.”
The fastball is his bread and butter.
Stealing bases is his bread and butter.
Spitting sunflower seeds as he sits on the bench is his
bread and butter.
If ball players were only striving for obtaining their bread
and butter, then the life of a ball player is not nearly as glamorous as we’ve
been lead to believe.
I mean I’ve got an office job with the government. I make just a little more money in a year
than Jose Bautista makes per game. And I
strive for and achieve much more than bread and butter.
I actually can’t even think of the last time I had bread and
butter… unless the bread was of the raisin variety… Something far more
extravagant than the bread of which Buck Martinez speaks.
And there I’ve done it.
Despite not wanting to write about stupidity… and scrapping such a
document a page in, I’ve come full circle… thought outside the box… put my game
face on… and gotten this thing done.
Dear reader,
The moral of the story… peanut butter, honey and banana
sandwiches sure beat the hell out of plain bread and butter.
Yours truly,
Blogger
MONDAY…
--- Monday on a Monday.
Iffy day at work for Claudio and I.
It’s hot and muggy and the AC isn’t on in the building yet… so 12 hours
of sitting in dampness. Groceries and
some cash at the bank afterwards.
TUESDAY…
--- Cold and windy a day after hot and humid. About a 20 degree drop in temperature over
the 24 hours. Another not super day.
--- Walk just under an hour when I get home. A little squirrel does a stand off with me on
the walk… brave little guy.
WEDNESDAY/THURSDAY…
--- Night shift.
Pretty normal but got the blinds put in the house now and black out
blinds in the bedroom makes sleeping in the daytime much easier.
FRIDAY…
--- So apparently something is up with my liver… blood tests
showing levels higher than need be. An
ultrasound and further blood tests to come in the next month. Doc is still hopeful that diet and exercise
will take care of it.
SATURDAY…
--- Get a walk in before the rain gets going. Laura pops by for a beer and to check out the
new place in the afternoon. A nap…
baseball on TV… all and all a nice Saturday.
SUNDAY…
--- Morning walk. Out
an hour… find where the moose bones have been coming from. Poor ol’ moose. Some TV and a nap through the rest of the
day.
