Making It Up As I Go Along #386

Late with the writing. Mom and dad were here until Saturday evening... leaving enough time for supper and a little unwinding before bed... then work and work some more.


Space Tourism
I’m not ready for space tourists. I’m really not. I know that now as clearly as I know anything.

So I’ve seen a total of one space tourist. Guy Laliberte spent tens of millions of dollars in order to wear a rubber nose and make Ron James faces while floating in front of a crew of astronauts. He claims it was worth the money to bring awareness to some cause or another. The fact that I couldn’t name you that cause without having to google it shows that perhaps it was not money well spent.

Every time a camera came out, so did that damn nose. I can see it now. Laliberte bobbing there in the corner while the crew does actual work. One astronaut takes out a camera to take some pictures of our wondrous planet below... Laliberte sees the camera and, like a trained seal, he digs into his space pocket to haul out his space nose at warp speed. His tongue starts protruding and his eyes squint crazy as he drifts towards the camera-naut... “um Guy, I’m going to take a picture of Africa... if it’s okay with you.” “Oh sure, sure” he answers. The sparkle dims in his eye and he floats back to his corner.

I think of the astronauts. A life’s dream to go into space. To be one of those rare people who have made it through the training and preparation. The sacrifice over all those years... and their first trip into the heavens is overshadowed by some billionaire clown.

Please God... if more billionaires are to be brought into orbit... may they be left up there. Oh how I’d adore the Canadarm if it plucked Laliberte up and slowly tossed him out into deep space... that little red nose become ever so small as he drifts into eternity.

I fear other billionaires shall follow Laliberte’s lead.

Rosie O’Donnell, a billionaire she is not, but such a nut is sure to find the sponsorship. Singing in space... well, perhaps the lack of gravity will make her voice more musical. Perhaps the talentless O’Donnell will find her calling in the vacuum of space... where she can sing to the top of her lungs... and we’ll hear not a peep.

Tom Cruise will go... in order to get closer to his god. Looking out from the space station into the depths of space, he’ll be bouncing off the walls... floor... and ceiling... weightlessly proclaiming “I’m moving towards the eighth dynamic... I can see it!... see it? Over there! It’s coming!” An astronaut will peek out the window and say “Mr. Cruise... that’s the moon.” Tom will proceed to wet himself and the world will be watching as urine beads fan out through the space station.

No space tourist mission could be complete without Oprah. Her hair being a gravityless puff of curls. Passing astronauts becoming entangled in her locks... taking orbit around her head. And each time a new astronaut is caught in the gravity that is her head, Oprah will shout in glee... “I’m giving you a four-year supply of Carmex lip balm!”

Yes, I fear space tourism. The red nose of Guy Laliberte is only the weightless tip of the iceberg.


SATURDAY...
— Work is pretty slow and it’s followed by Imax movies. One on Mecca and the other on Safari in South Africa. Both really good.
— Two days and two opposite emotions in sport. First Markov gone four months after Montreal’s first game... makes me sad. Second, JP Ricciardi is fired as GM of the Blue Jays... when I read that I break into smile! Moron.

SUNDAY...
— Quiet day at work due to many systems being down for six hours.
— Softball after work. My first game in the indoor ball for the year and first game back from the thumb problem. Team loses and I have lost the hitting rhythm... but it’s still fun.

MONDAY...
— A little TV, nap, and TV... off to work for night...
— Pizza with Phil and work is pretty quiet. The gym breaks it up some.

TUESDAY...
— Not much sleep. About three hours. A little TV before going to the train station to get mom and dad. Get some groceries... mom makes a good soup... and dad and I watch the Twins vs Tigers baseball game. Twelve great innings of baseball.

WEDNESDAY...
— Walk at Mer Bleue... followed by lunch and then a trip downtown. Some shopping at Rideau Centre... supper at Fish Market Restaurant... and Imax movies to end the night.

THURSDAY...
— Drive around day. To Arnprior, Almonte, and Carlton Place. Good times. A fun time trying out the GPS on the cell phone... which brought us to a café in Arnprior that we’d never have known of otherwise.
— Lots of traffic going home. Get shwarma’s for supper and lay pretty low in the evening.

FRIDAY...
— A bit of shopping with mom and then it’s home for turkey with the parents. Fine meal and relaxing night.