Making It Up As I Go Along #396

Alien Abduction
December 22nd, Aliens interfered with my trip home.

The first aspect of this event is not a surprising thing. Flight delays. Yes, even when the skies are blue and the day is bright and clear, planes delay in their departures. Thank you hub system. Where Toronto is the beating heart of Canada’s air travel.

My plane, due to leave Ottawa and head east... having nothing to do with Toronto to the south... is delayed due to a slow down where it should not be. For some reason, the plane starts in Toronto, working it’s way to Ottawa before heading on to Halifax and then St. John’s. And for some reason, it’s an hour late leaving Toronto.

I buy a book and hang about the airport. And in about an hour, we’re onboard the plane and heading east.

Flying Porter instead of Air Canada... I note the differences. Firstly, the staff don’t act as though you’re a burden. At Porter, they smile and offer to help you out. They ask you to watch your head as you board. They ask if you’d like free food and drink. They pardon themselves if they happen to bump you as they walk by.

At Air Canada, you’re told to behave... give exact change if you want to buy an overpriced sandwich... and you’re ignored while you hold your elbow in agony after the drink cart bashed it in the walk by. Then Air Canada flicks on the TV sets and expect you to turn zombie.

Porter has no video system. No TVs in the seat back in front of you. And no big screens hanging from the ceiling. Funny how this reduction in technology makes the trip somehow more enjoying. In our age, when TV is there to babysit our children, Air Canada took the practice and used it to babysit customers. Give them TV and gain a moment’s peace. Flight attendants can sit back and go about their day with all us “children” plugged in and drooling at the flickering images.

But with Porter’s lack of video, life comes back to travel. People acknowledge each other. Books are read in quiet and smiling faces enjoy each other’s company.

In Halifax, most get off and few get back on the plane. We taxi away from the gate with several empty rows of seats. I shift over and gain plenty of room to stretch out. Nobody in front of me... nobody to the side of me... and nobody behind. No kicking or seat back dropping. I’m left in peace.

I first thought this a bit odd. Why a flight goes to Newfoundland at Christmas without full capacity met. I now look back at this and figure it to be alien abduction. Those empty seats weren’t left by a lack of desire to head east. They were left empty while the missing passengers are zipped off to far away galaxies, being prodded and poked at by green men with great big insect eyes.

I’d have not thought anything of this except for the fact that our St. John’s landing came at an odd time. An hour delay due to Toronto... results in a three hour delay arriving in St. John’s. Where the other two hours went, I did not know. Until I remembered my A&E marathon sessions of aliens, Big Foot, and the Lock Ness Monster.

Aliens may be superior to us. They may be able to race across the light years and be home in time for dinner. But they don’t know how to properly change the clocks. It’s likely due to inexperienced abductors. “Okay, we’re ready to put Mr. Johnson back now... let’s roll the clocks back... what time did we take him?” “Oh... oh yeah... you know, I forget to check my watch when we pulled him from that jeep in Kansas... umm... well Toroc had just commented on how evening abductions are his favourite... and evening was just setting in then... so... let’s see... it was probably about 4:00.”

This is the scenario that happened with us. An alien forgot to check a watch and they guessed on when our plane was scooped up for probing and experimentation. We’d have been none the wiser had it not been for the two unexplained hours that went by.

And thanks to those aliens, I’ve now probably been impregnated by an intergalactic donor. The birth will be seen as a Christmas miracle... even though I’ll be quite uncomfortable with the whole event.

But at least I’ve been returned to Earth. Those poor passengers from the empty seats I happily took over. They must have been whisked back to the aliens home planet for more extensive testing and probing. I can only hope that the superior race will supply the human holding cells with video screens. Otherwise, that trip to planet Zoran will feel like it takes for ever. And the alien attendants will get annoyed at the whining humans who don’t have exact change for their space sandwich.


MONDAY...
— Take it easy around the house and do some packing for tomorrow’s flight. It looks like the biggest worry will be the wind. Will there be 100 km winds when my plane tries to land?

TUESDAY...
— Fly day. A little delay leaving Ottawa but the flights were fine and, from Halifax to St. John’s, I have a row to myself with nobody in the rows in front or back of me either. Nice. I like Porter. Hope the empty seats from Halifax to St. John’s won’t be a sign that the airline will have troubles. Much nicer than the Air Canada crew... ground crew excepted... Mr. Delahunty!
— For the first time I read a book cover to cover in one day. Bought a copy of Mitch Albom’s “Tuesdays With Morrie” and it was fantastic.

WEDNESDAY...
— Nice day shopping downtown with mom and dad. Do some split ups with me and dad for a while and me and mom for a while... lunch down there and the whole bit. Then off to Cousin Sandra’s for supper with Uncle Wince and family as well. 10 or so of us all total... and stuffed full of good food.

THURSDAY...
— Christmas Eve. We do lunch at Wince’s... fish is good.
— A bit of TV in the evening. It’s a Wonderful Life... the movie.

FRIDAY...
— Merry Christmas. Stuffed full of food most of the evening. All the family comes to the folk’s house tonight. It’s a nice day too with just mom, dad and me opening gifts and hanging out.

SATURDAY...
— Morning funeral... afternoon hanging out at Jim and Kristann’s... evening with mom and dad at the mall watching Avatar in 3D. Impressive movie. Quite good.