Making It Up As I Go Along #359

SATURDAY...
— Hockey Day in Canada. But I must work. It’s a weird work day. Very quiet until around 2:00 PM and then, from there to 5:45, it’s constant go.
— Go home, get a bite to eat, and watch the Vancouver vs. Toronto hockey game.

SUNDAY...
— Work is generally slow. A weird stretch at the start of the morning... but by 8:00, it was fairly quiet.

MONDAY...
— Up a bit earlier than I planned. A little TV before the work nap.
— Post nap, it’s off to Grace O’Malley’s to meet Laura for drinks and a bite. Cara Lea joins us there after about an hour and, after another hour or so, we’re off. Good hanging out with Laura... lots of interesting stories and just some good catching up.
— Work from there. It’s a pretty steady night. I have something to be doing straight through from 5:45 to 4:00 AM. After that it finally gets quiet. Busy for a night but not so busy to make your head hurt.

TUESDAY...
— Laze about the house for a while... a little TV and a little computer time, the nap, and then in to work for the night.
— Work goes alright. Pretty quiet tonight but I’m busy going through stuff until about 3:00 AM.

WEDNESDAY...
— 12:10 AM, Feb 25. Almost five months to the day since I moved to CPSIC. And I've gotten to listen to way too much radio over that time frame. See, the thing is, radio is awful. Stupid DJs who feel like they must sit around laughing at themselves. Every station, three DJs blathering on and laughing. Then silly 'music' like Nickleback or some dance stuff. Anyway, listening to the radio tonight, I have to flip from classic rock (too much April Wine) to Virgin radio... which should be much better than it is... they just play more ‘angry’ music like Nickleback and bad Metallica. And I'm wishing I could listen to my own music. I haven't done this yet because you can't have headphones on while working this job. But today, at 12:10 AM, it dawns on me... the radio that spews out the drivel... it's a CD player as well! Stupid me. Being this stupid is a sure sign of too much listening to the radio. Next shift, bring on the CDs!
— Up at noon today. Lazy around the house after that. Recoup time from night shift.

THURSDAY...
— Brunch with Karen today. Pretty good... nice to catch up.
— Groceries after that and a nap to round out the afternoon.
— An evening nap to go with some Survivor on TV and a movie. Juno is a really good movie, by the way.

FRIDAY...
— Crazy weather day. Rain most of the day and, at 3:00, it’s 6 degrees. At 4:00, it’s -2 with a windchill of -10. So the temperature drops 16 degrees in about an hour.



Man vs. Canadian Suburb
Let’s see those survival shows deal with this!

I’ve been watching a fair bit of survival shows lately. Survivorman... and Man vs. Wild mostly. They’re interesting. Seeing how one can eat and drink water for a week with nothing but a utility tool (and in the case of Survivorman’s Les Strout, a harmonica). I will admit, often times I want that harmonica to attract bears and be done with the man. But when he’s not getting all musical, or harping on about how close to death you are in each given situation, it’s a good show.

After all, I now know how to go about eating a scorpion. Or how to drink my pee in the desert. I could even go fishing in a river with my bare hands now... eating the nice little fishes like Gollum from Lord of the Rings... all fresh and wriggling.

Man vs. Wild’s Bear (that’s the survivor’s name) is a little more hardcore than Les. Of course, if one is named Bear and the other is Les, you’d assume that to be so. Bear runs along, grabs a bug, and gags it down without hesitation. Les looks to create a fire and cook his food first. Although, truth be told, whether cooked or raw, Les seems to enjoy every morsel.

While Bear makes faces and occasionally gags his food down, Les moans in ecstasy with ever chew. Be it blueberry or grasshopper, Les loves the food. Of course, I’d like to see Les try some of the more hardcore meals of Bear. How about a few pieces of apple, quickly rinsed off after plucking them from bear poop. Or a thirst quenching drink squeezed from a mound of elephant dung. Les may like his food, but I haven’t seen him trying to eat that crap (pun most definitely intended).

The other day, I watched Bear climb into a cave in Transylvania. He claimed these caves will go right under the mountains which he’s trying to go around. And going under may cut off miles and be the difference between living and dying!

The fact that the cave is filled with water and he’s just got a few makeshift torches for light seems to be irrelevant. So off he goes, camera man in tow, hoping that each tunnel they traverse will lead them to freedom rather than a dead end. And when the water completely fills a section, he’s diving under and hoping to find an air pocket on the other side. Camera man is left there alone, under a mountain, filming his entombing.

But sure enough, out pops Bear again saying there’s an air bubble ahead and off he goes, dragging camera man under with him... leaving the torches to burn eternally... within the depths of rock.

These guys are hard core. The build shelters at the drop of a hat or simply prop up against a tree for the night, gaining a few minutes of sleep while snakes slither over a leg and giant flies begin nesting in an ear.

For all these survivors can do and endure, my thought is that yesterday, here in the suburbs of Ottawa, they would have both perished.

For most of the day, life was tolerable. Rain is falling throughout the day but the temperature is around seven degrees and I figure either Les or Bear would have made an overhang shelter and bunked down for a slightly shivering but liveable time. They may have been able to sneak up on a rabbit... Les skinning it and reacting to each bite as if it was a gourmet dinner while Bear sits all hunched over with fur encircling his lips and drops of blood trickling down his chin as his eyes are those of a wild man.

But when 3:00 hit, it would have been game over for the survivor boys. Within about a half hour, the temperature dropped from that seven degrees to a not so nice minus two. The wind picked up and windchills came into play. By 4:00 the wind was making it minus thirteen, and within two or three hours, windchill brought things into the minus twenties. With nighttime temperatures bottoming out at minus thirty-two in the wind.

Even if their shelters could keep the wind away, nighttime temperatures made it into the minus eighteen to minus twenty range. And with a day of rain prior to this, I don’t see how either of these men would have been able to muster a fire.

That’s how dependent we are on shelter and heat you can increase with the touch of a button or turn of a knob.

You have a better chance of survival in a river under the mountains of Transylvania than you do five feet outside my front door in February.

God help us all.